My beloved husband

Strong faith, no children, good friends.
My husband’s funeral was a couple of weeks ago following a rapid decline from dementia over 6 months. Traumatic time in hospital and brief time in care home where he was catastrophically failed then return to hospital where he died.
I am doing all the right things, full diary, staying engaged. The pain is searing and his physical absence all consuming.
Not suicidal but I don’t want to be alive without him. The days keep coming like an emotional sledgehammer.


Hi @Oct7
So sorry you are dealing with this horrible loss too.
In case it helps, I am almost ten months in to my journey and, not that you’d know it at the moment after a couple of bad days, life is less painful quite a lot of the time. I have a life at least and all too busy most of the time; not that I have any choice about the busy bit.

I too have a strong faith which helps as I know we will be reunited one day and I have two daughters who need me to be around for a long time yet. One with a learning disability, the other gets married this year. I also use my determination to make Richard proud of me and my desire to keep what he created and cared for as best I can to inspire me.

Keep posting here any time. They are so many supportive people here you will find yourself carried on bad days.
Hugs xxx

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Thank you XXX

Oct7. I understand the world of dementia, well, as well as we can understand. My husband of 52 yrs died last Aug. he had Alzheimer’s. The last year and 1/2 before his death was devastating. I had to make the decision to put him in memory care because I couldn’t keep him safe at home. I can tell you it nearly killed me to do that. But I had no choice. We have no children and no family lives anywhere near. The last 5 weeks of his life I brought him home with hospice. He could no longer walk feed himself, all the ugly heartbreaking things about this disease. We were inseparable. So for me to be with him was of paramount importance. I am sorry to say as the days go by, I miss him more and more. I just want to be with him. It is agonizing.
Peace and love, Karen

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I continue to be haunted by my husband wanting to come home with me when I drove back to our home and had to leave him in the nursing home with dementia. I couldn’t keep him safe. Sobbed all the way home.


I know exactly what you are saying. I would cry all the way home. The look on his face I can’t get out of my mind. My husband had hospital visits in amongst his memory care stay. Absolute nightmare.
As I am sure with you his suffering is what I can’t seem to settle. Just know you are not alone. This site had been good for me in that it shows me others are going through the same struggles. At times I feel like I am going crazy, but when you read others posting, I realize I am not alone either.
Hugs, Karen


I know them blows hit you thick and fast dont they. One month since my husband’s funeral … little less … try to divert yourself ! I bought a puppy !!! Helps with the pain ! Xxxx god bless

Thanks so much for your kind reply.
Makes me realise we’re all trying somehow to drag ourselves through this searing pain.
Love and understanding hugs

Pain is such a lonely place.
Maybe I need to do something positive with this pain but don’t know what.

Not sure I’m doing this right. How do I reply to each individual message please?

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You replied to my message but to highlight it to the person to whom you are replying you put the @ sign then a list of names should come up. If they don’t you can start to type the name of the person after the @. You should see in notifications now that I have replied to your post.

@KarenF Thanks for your helpful reply X

I’m so sorry for your loss. My husband died from heart failure but he had endured Alzheimer’s and dementia for a good few years and was slowly disintegrating. Although I’d been still able to care for him at home, he went into hospital and died there a week later. My beloved man had long since disappeared into the wilderness, but it was his heart that gave up, not him. I too am bereft, he only died on the 4th March 2023.

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My husband had heart disease as well he had 2 valve replacements. I hated putting him in memory care, it nearly killed me. But he was such a flight risk, and I was so fearful I couldn’t keep him safe. After 10 mos, he couldn’t walk anymore, so I brought him home with hospice. He was where he needed to be, home where I didn’t have to leave him, home where he could die in the comfort of our home. I know very well this is not possible for a lot of folks, but I feel very blessed I could do this for him. I promised him we would journey this together. He was home 5 weeks before he died. I am still struggling accepting everything. To see this awful devastating disease steal a beautiful mind. How do you come to terms with that? He was my life, the center of my universe
. I wish all of us peace and love.


Aw not long ago then :frowning: sorry for your loss xx

@Karetired I Know hun no words or wisdom from me there are none but I do cry for you as well as myself Dave

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I hwve a friend who had to do that with her husband… dont beat yourself up … its very hard when they get like that xx

I’ve just spent an emotionally draining afternoon changing my car. So lonely making the big decisions by myself. New reg. turned out to have my husband’s initials. Not really interested in the car just want it to go.
Don’t want to lose my car because he has been in it.


I have said before that I admire what you did for you darling husband. You made the best decision for each stage of his illness and nobody could do more than that. Try to believe that and feel proud, not guilty.
Karen xxx

I was amazed at how emotional I got when my husband’s car was taken away. I didn’t think I was attached to it as it was his works car (a driving instructor) so not used for days out or even trips to town. I sobbed like a baby when it was loaded on to the truck.
Sending you love
Karen xxx