My big brother

My brother lives in Vietnam with his wife & 3 kids. He only visited at Christmas & everything seemed normal. I didn’t get to say bye to him at Christmas before he went home as he was getting an earlier flight. On the 8th feb or around there, I was told he had cancer by my parents. Nobody knew how serious it was but my parents & younger brother flew out to him at hospital in Thailand a few days later. Over the last week I’ve had updates from my mum but when I asked if he was ever going to get any better, she told me ‘it was in gods hands now. On 16th feb I was told ‘he’s gone’
I am literally so heartbroken, the pain is absolutely unbearable! I feel like I want to die. I don’t feel like I can live my life without him, he’s been the best big brother anyone could ever ask for. I never got to see him or to say goodbye. I sent messages & I know that he would’ve had them read out to him in his hospital bed but did he even know how much I loved him? I would have swapped places with him in a flash, he had so much more to live for than me! I’m broken & alone

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Hello @Bex23 ,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling heartbroken. I’m so sorry to hear about your brother. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

You might also want to watch our video at Sue Ryder Grief Guide as we know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts during their grief journey.


  • Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
  • Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,


So sorry to hear this.please dont think like that you probably have more to live for than you realise. My husband passed in October and i cant come to terms with never seeing him again but we have to carry on(even tho i dont want to most days)

Thank you for your kind words, I’m really sorry for your loss too.
I’ve never felt such immense pain & fear, the thought of never seeing them again!

Me2. It is soooo hsrd.we have to take one day at a time.x