My birthday!

I recently had my birthday. When people ask me how old I am I say I am one. They are slightly incredulous but they understand. The old me died just over a year ago with my husband.

In many ways we are all just learning to walk again, find our own voice and learn what it is to be half of what we were. And deal with the loneliness and absence of the presence of the person that we loved so very much. The person who did not want to leave us. But, very importantly, we bring everything our partners gave us in their physical life, into this new “me” that none of us want to be.

It is just so messed up. Thank goodness for chocolate birthday cake (and wine!) x

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Awww, hope the chocolate cake, wine and never ending love for your husband helped with your first birthday.
Totally agree with everything you have said in your post “learning to walk again” is so true.
Also, we must never forget they didn’t want to leave us as you said.
Love lasts forever, across the chasm from this world to the next.
Our lost loved ones will be forever in our hearts & minds, forever missed, forever loved.
Xx

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Hi
I totally agree. It is like learning how to live again. I just feel like a different person and it’s hard to know where we fit in with things and situations now we are not a couple.
The loneliness is awful to deal with. I so miss the chatting about nothing, discussing the news, making plans , having a laugh or just sitting watching the telly together saying nothing xx

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Hi Love forever,
That’s a great way to describe how we are all feeling, its my birthday at the end of April and I’m dreading it.
I know Pete would want me to be happy and I want to make him proud but I feel so weak and vulnerable.
I know I was very lucky to have such a special man in my life and I miss him so very much.
We used to laugh everyday, now I feel guilty if I laugh, everyone who met Pete remarked on how he was always smiling, its the first thing that attracted me to him.
Muldool

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I understand what your going through annie x x

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I’m got the big 60 coming up early May and I’m dreading it. We had planned to go to Cornwall to have my birthday on the beach. All plans have now gone and I don’t want to even celebrate my birthday. I’m going to just think of it as a ordinary day no cards nothing it means nothing now

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I will be 61 next month and I’m dreading it too, we couldn’t celebrate my 60th because we were in lockdown, the plan was to have a joint celebration in June for Petes 60th.
Both will be just another day to try and get through, no joy in anything anymore.
I do hate this life.
60 is young these days, so unfair!
Muldool

Its also gone by the way side.

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Muldool,
It is so hard and the vulnerability and anxiety is hard to describe to people.

I managed to get through the trauma of the one year anniversary of my husband dying, his birthday and my birthday all of which occur within 12 days of each other. Not sure how I managed but in some ways the numbness returned, which I was grateful for. I tried to do things with friends that I know we would have enjoyed together in places that were meaningful. It’s just a band aid covering an almost fatal wound, but it is a start and that’s all I can ask of myself. Hope this helps x

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Thanks Loveforever,
I lost Pete in November 2021 and so far have managed to get through Christmas and Valentines day, next my Birthday, then his 60th in June is the day before Fathers day. These firsts are really hard, I know Pete would want me to carry on and try to be happy and I trying.
Well done you, your message gives me hope, thank you so much.
Muldool

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