My boyfriends ashes are being scattered

Hi everyone
Finding things extremely tough my boyfriends ashes are being scattered tomorrow I feel like so numb and even though he never leaves my mind not ever it just feels so final….
I can’t go and look at a plaque with his name on I just don’t think I can deal with it….
Initially I really thought this would be my place I could sit and talk to him but I feel more comfort at home talking to pictures of him I mean I just can’t believe that’s now how I talk to him through a picture….
The pain is just unbearable and every day is such a struggle…
I feel so devastated and just feel even the people closes to me aren’t really being that supportive no one has even bothered to ask about his ashes I just feel people are incredibly self centered and have totally forgotten it’s so wrong.
I go to work everyday and can’t wait to get home and sit with my thoughts by myself… some people have totally surprised me by there total lack of support…. Am I asking for to much x

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I’m not sure if it’s a case of people not knowing what to say, or how to say things to us.
Obviously how they see this loss is different to us because although they know our partners are gone , our partners weren’t in their life’s every day, so much if their old life is still functioning.

I do believe that once you start having a few ok days, people expect it to continue like that. I get embarrassed if I have a down day, almost like I think it isn’t allowed. And as it surprises some people I have learnt now to have many of my sad, tearful grieving days on my own.
I have almost become 2 people.

My husbands ashes are still here with me but next April they will be scattered on the Isle of Wight in the same place we put his dads ashes. I know he wanted this very much but it makes me feel sad as I don’t think I will get to the island very often.

Even though I act as though I am ok if I stop and allow myself to think about things to much I’m sure I will lose it completely. Living this life of pretence, trying to constantly navigate my way forward is so utterly exhausting. If I was to go to bed and never wake up I would be so grateful.



Hi Dee

Wow this is so true your right people think because you may seem ok or have an ok day that everyday magically is going to be like that… thankfully they don’t understand not one bit and it’s just best that I just sit with my thoughts and not let on to how I am feeling.
Your words are very true and maybe people don’t know what to say to me but on the other hand it is coming across as though I should now just get on with it… I to feel almost feel that some people I just don’t want them knowing how I am truly feeling so I find my self distancing myself.

I hope you are ok and sending you a big hug always here for a chat Xx

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One thing is for sure ……. I have 4 sisters and I find myself looking at them and thinking …. Thank god you have no idea how this feels, but if they do find themselves in this situation I know they will be so so surprised just how intense the bereavement of a soul mate can be, as although we all know how sad it is to lose someone, never in my wildest dreams did I think it would or could be this painful.

To any couple now I could quite truthfully say …. If you are lucky, you will go first!!

I also found myself apologising to my mother in law because when her husband died, because he was nearly 80, I remember thinking …… she will be ok, her son ( my husband ) and myself will be enough to fill the gap. We will be there for her, spend our christmases with her, take her on holiday with us …… not once ever thinking or realising that actually nobody could replace her husband.
I look back now and think of all the times she must have just put a brave face on things when in company …… just as I find myself doing now.

Take care, big hugs
Dee xx


Hi Dee
Thank you for your message…. That’s just it isn’t it no one thankfully can quite get the pain the emptiness the sadness the know in my stomach every single day. And it is so true what you said just because you seem ok to people of you have an alright day people assume your just ok but I am the same I put this front on but they don’t see the other side…. Total ignorance on there part to think that you could ever be ok from such a life changing thing.
I feel in such a state Paul’s ashes are being scattered today his family and me are not close and I’ve choose not to go today firstly I just can’t go and see his name it’s just haunting me so I would rather not see it at all…. Secondly if and when I do go I want to go on my own….
I am already feeling guilty but I just can’t stand there and see his name on that stone….
I like to feel paul is all around me sometimes if feels like I am going slowly mad… but that’s what I like to feel in my heart.
Take care of yourself and try and have a good day x x x

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Me too Dee. I have no fear of death since Ron passed. My life now is just one big lie. Even when I laugh I am not really happy because the one person who completed my life has gone and the cold is like ice in my heart.

people always are like this; our business is just nuisance to them. In better times they asked us for help, yet you cannot expect most of them to support you when in need. After all it’s our misfortune to have our love ones perish so young. Eventually we have to bear it all by ourselves. It’s an incredibly cruel world.
My wife passed in March. I understand every feeling you have. After 9 months every moment it is still gut wrenching. And I am at a loss of how I should go on. Take care.