Not because I didn’t want to. Because the borders were closed. Because there was a war. The same war that took him.
He didn’t die from illness or old age. He died because of the conflict. In Tehran. While I was here, thousands of kilometers away, holding my phone and trying to understand what just happened.
My family was there. My mom, my sisters. They were going through everything — the ceremony, the burial, all of it — and I was just… not there. I couldn’t even hug them.
People talk about losing a parent like it’s one kind of loss. But my dad wasn’t just my father. He was my hero. My best friend. The person I called when I didn’t know what to do. The person whose opinion mattered more to me than anyone else’s.
I don’t really know how to grieve like this. There was no moment where it felt real. No goodbye. Nothing to hold onto.
I’m still not okay. I’m just trying to figure out how to carry this while life keeps going like nothing happened.
I’m so sorry to read about your dad’s death and the circumstances around it. It sounds like you’re dealing with an incredibly painful and complicated grief, feeling shock, distance, and the deep hurt of not being able to say goodbye or be there with your family.
I just wanted to reach out to thank you for sharing so honestly and to let you know there is lots of other support out there. I would really encourage you to speak to someone about how you are feeling. The following website might help you find support services closer to home: https://help.befrienders.org/
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support to you. In the meantime, you might find these Sue Ryder resources helpful to read.
Our Losing a parent page talks through some of the emotions you may be experiencing
Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
I’m so sorry you lost your dad in this way. It sounds like you and he were very close and he was so special in your life. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been not to be able to say goodbye and be with family for your dad’s burial. Have you anybody here who can support you, friends or a partner. You can post here whenever you need to and people will support you
