My dad = my best friend

I lost my dad to liver cancer on 2 May 2022. He was diagnosed on 24 March 2022 and didn’t want to know how much time he had left - he got less than 6 weeks and my heart is in a million pieces. Prior to my dad’s death I thought I knew what grief felt like but I now know it’s nothing like what I thought it was. The pain is indescribable and never goes away. It was my dad’s wish to be cared for at home and myself and my husband did that as mum wasn’t able to lift dad by herself. I watched my dad die a little every day. One day he was able to walk unaided and the next day he couldn’t walk without help. Within the space of a week he was unable to get out of bed and from that point it was a daily decline. My dad’s greatest fear in life was being unable to fend for himself and he had to live out those fears which was heartbreaking to watch. I cared for him with love and devotion and would’ve done so for months or years if it meant I still had him here with me. My biggest fear was not being with him when he passed and I wasn’t and that hurts like hell. I feel like I’m living in a nightmare and hope to wake from it and my dad is still there. I also lost my father-in-law on 2 June 2022 - he passed on my dad’s one month anniversary and his funeral is on Thursday. I’m not sure how I will cope with the funeral as my dad’s passing is still so raw and I know that the feelings will resurface. I know I have people in the world who need me but I need my dad and not having him hurts so much x

3 Likes

Hi Andrea

I am so sorry for your loss and understand your pain. I lost my mum suddenly and unexpectedly on 25th March. We always lived together and were truly best friends

I think whatever the circumstances we beat ourselves up in the aftermath as our brains try to get round this seemingly impossible thing. Could we have done more, something different, we should have been there or not etc. Just know it is you brain trying to file and make sense of this all.

Be kind to yourself, whatever you feel or need to do is right. There isn’t a proper way to grieve or a timeline. If you need to cuddle up with a blanket and be quiet do, if you need to go out and be in a busy place with strangers.

I do recommend posting here and reading other peoples post if only to help with the feelin of being alone or somehow your feelings are odd - they are not. The thread Shrine for my Mam - there are a number of us on there who have lost a parent we were very close to.

Beki x

1 Like