My Dad

My dad, this time last year, we went for a lovely sunny walk with his 2 daughters, 2 grand daughters, 1 grandson and six great grandsons around Swithland woods in Leicestershire. He climbed a tree at 86yrs young you just could not stop him, we walked for miles with no stick, we had a picnic and found the cabin that 50 years ago Dad, mum and us 3 girls had as a weekend holiday home for 5 yrs or so. It was an amazing day.
My dad in February this year 2022 went to GP with left side pain. Diagnosed 2 weeks ago with mesothelioma and passed away with my sister and I holding his hands on 23rd May.
My dad wanted to be cared for by us and that’s what we did. The hardest thing I have had to do emotionally and mentally, watching dad slowly fade away and struggling with secretions for 12hrs or so was just the worst.
My dad was my friend, my confidante, my hero, my shared soul and I’m now lost.
I have waffled on way too much.


Morning Gail,
I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your dad, he sounds like he was very robust into his older years and a precious part of your life. I also lost my 86 year old father recently on 3rd may due to sepsis/pneumonia so I totally understand the difficulty of seeing your loved one struggle with secretions and breathing at the end. If it is any consolation to you regarding how difficult that was to see, I am a doctor myself and have seen so many patients over the years have such symptoms at end of life, it is of course difficult for them but often the noises etc associated with it are much worse for the relatives to experience than they are for the person themselves. I also found it very sad to see my father struggle with his breathing for hours before he died, both myself and my mother held his hands constantly before the end so that he knew he wasn’t alone. I imagine you did the same for your dear dad and he will have been comforted by this more than you can know. Whilst it’s understandable we feel upset and focused on the end weeks/days and hours of our loved ones lives now I think with time those feelings will hopefully fade and be replaced with happier memories of the long times spent together living life. After my dad passed one of the last things I said to him was that I loved him but now I had to go and live, I know he would have wanted this and imagine your dad would have also wanted this for you. Sending love, you can write to me anytime x


Hi Gail, pleased you for the community and I hope it helps not only to tell your story but to read others as well. Please hold onto those lovely memories of your dad and be proud that you managed to look after him, it would have made him feel happier. The medical procedures that help to relieve discomfort are not nice and at times we do ask ourselves if it’s the right thing but honestly there is no answer. Just keep the good things from your life with your dad. Our parents are special people and we need to treasure them and our memories. Please look after yourself and remember we are always here for you. S xx

Thank you so much for your heart felt informed reply. Your experience and support for your dad and that you are a doctor redignates with myself. Not a doctor but I work in the NHS and too have witnessed many people dying over my years. I have lots of videos of dad’s antics and laughter that make me smile if only for a short while. I know dad would not want me to be sad and down. Dad would want me to “pull up my big girl pants and get on with my life”. To smile “No one wants to be around a miserable person”. His words.
Father’s day is here and his funeral is near 4 days time. Yes I am struggling but, I will be ok because he’s right here by my side and in my veins. Thank you again and sorry its taken so long for my reply. Love to you on your dads 1st Heavenly father’s day :blue_heart: xx

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Hi Gail,
I’m glad my message was helpful. Hope you find some time to think of happy memories today of your Dad and find some peace in this. Father’s day is of course hard but as you say we now carry our Fathers with us all the time inside us and they walk by our sides always so we are never really alone.
Sending you lots of love. Eirlys x