My Dad

Lost my Dad in September., and now we’re going through probate. Had one week off work and once back people seem to think I should be back to normal having to handle all the stresses. The putting on a brave face is making me fall apart inside. Dads house hasn’t “been touched” yet si haven’t had any time to deal with such things. The house is so empty when I walk from room to room. Ok I’m 57 and should understand that this is what life is about but having lost Mum 2 years ago my whole world is crushing me. I have a living wife and two grown up kids but without the upwards generation of my parents, there’s a gasping hole.

Should have said loving not living wife

Hi Ary,

Welcome to the Online Community. I’m so sorry to hear that you have lost your dad in September, as well as your mum two years ago.

No matter how old you are, your parents were still a huge part of your life, and it’s natural that they have left a gaping hole.

The loss of your dad is still very recent and it is not surprising at all that you are not feeling ‘back to normal’. Perhaps the people that expect this of you have not experienced the loss of someone close and don’t really understand how grief can affect you.

I’m glad that you have found the Community, as there is evidence that being able to talk honestly about your feelings can help people to cope with grief. You mention how hard it is to put on a brave face, and this is one place where you don’t have to.

There was a conversation about that exact subject here recently, which you might want to take a look at. Members in that conversation include tlang, who lost her mum, and EmBeth, who lost her dad:

https://support.sueryder.org/community/general-chat/are-you-fed-putting-brave-face

Another good outlet for your feelings could be the Cruse Bereavement helpline, on 0844 477 9400 or helpline@cruse.org.uk

You mention that you are going through probate, and it sounds as though there are a lot of stressful things for you to sort out at the moment. If you have no pressing practical reason to sort out the house, then it sounds as though that is something that can wait until you feel more able to deal with it.

If you need any information about wills and probate, this page on the government site is a good place to start: https://www.gov.uk/wills-probate-inheritance

Keep posting here if you find that it helps.

I lost my Mum a year ago & I wasn’t ready for how scary it felt. She was my safety net & I always knew she’d be there if I had any problems. I’m 44 and suddenly realised I had to be the grown up - I felt like a child & to be honest still do at times. My dad is still around & we’re close but I worry about him all the time.

I know what you mean about there being a hole in your life. My husband doesn’t understand that he can’t replace my Mum - he means well but it’s a completely different relationship. I had some bereavement counselling which really helped.

I also learned that putting on a brave face uses energy you need for other things. Are you looking after yourself - sleeping, eating, getting some fresh air?