My Dad

My Dad passed away very suddenly on Thursday. He was diagnosed with lung cancer and a tumour on his kidneys early December. He came to see us over Christmas, he looked well and was positive about the future. He told us it was treatable but not curable and they had caught it early. He had just finished doing up his and his partners home and he was looking forward to finally being retired. He had bought himself 2 guitars, he used to be in a band in his younger days and got himself an Irish passport (his mum, our grandmother, was Irish) which he was so pleased about. These were suppose to be his days. We started planning atrip to my brothers place in Portugal, just the 3 of us to spend some much overdue time together. I was told he was very poorly in January but the doctors snd nurses were all involved. A week later he went to hospital to get his final results and they kept him in. We went to see him he had a drain on his lung, was relying in oxygen and too weak to get out of bed. The nurses were positive he was going to get better and go home. We were kept updated and over the next couple of days we were told of a slow improvement. Then Wednesday lunchtime we got that call from the hospital, your Dads had a bad night and you need to come now. His kidneys have failed. We live 3.5 hours away so we packed bags and went straight to him. My proud, smiling father was unable to breath, he was a shell of his former self. He couldnt talk more than a word here
and there and he could only hear us if we shouted in his ear. He was fully aware and we could see the fear, pain and sadness in his eyes. There was no side rooms available so he was still on the ward. We stayed with him for a few hours until he asked for half an hour to rest. We left at that point and went to a nearby hotel. The hospital said they would ring if anything changed. We received the call at 3am to say he had just passed. We went straight to the hospital but I am haunted by the thought that he died alone and frightened.


Hello @Kannyb52,

I’m Seaneen, part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

  • Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief. You might find this especially helpful right now as your loss is so very recent.

  • Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS

  • Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat

  • Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Hello kanny. I’m Gemma and I have been in a similar situation to you. I lost my dad in september last year after a short battle with neumonia. Seening him soo poorly in ICU was heartbreaking for me and my lovely mum. Now I’m struggling to be strong for us both and our relationship has changed a bit too.