My dad

I lost my dad very auddenly in august this year, he had been in pain for several days with his hernia, we had the doctor out who said he needed to go to hospital, he was taken by ambulance and my step mum and I followed in my car, we spent the day with him there in A&E where they dis tests and discovered it was strangulated, he was taken to a ward that even if and told they would operate in the morning, great we thought, all sounds straight forward, so we kissed him goodnight at 10pm, left him sitting in the chair and told him we would see him in the morning and that we loved him, all of ua relieved they would finally be operating. At 3am I recieved a call from the hospital, my dad had taken a turn for the worst and they were moving him to ICU, my stepmum and I got there at 3.30am and were taken into a sideroom where they explained my dad had vomited during the night and the fluid had gone onto his lungs, the only words I remember after that were cardiac arrest and CPR, at that point my step mum and I fell apart, at 4am the doctor came in and said my dad hadn’t made it, he had passed away just 6 hours after we kissed him goodnight and left believing everything was ok. I never fully understood the term heartbreak until that point, I absolutely adored my dad, as did my husband and my 3 boys, having to tell my sons he had gobe is the hardest thing i have ever had to do, and what we went through in those first few days is indescribable. I got through the next month in a haze of disbelief and pain, I returned to work at the start of the new school year and having the distraction made it easier to keep going and I felt like I was doing ok and getting through. Now suddenly it’s hit me and I can’t bear it, I’m crying all the time like it just happened, I’ve had to take the week off work as I feel so emotional and anxious. I feel lost, like part of me is missing, people keep aayong it will get easier but if anyrhing its getting harder. I miss him so much and the pain is unbearable, the doctor has referred me for counselling but it could take weeks. I’m trying to keep it together for my sons but it’s so hard.

Hi Emma 2915,

I’m so sorry you went through that…I can relate to parts of your nightmare. It was sudden and unexpected which makes it hard. Mind you any loss is hard regardless but not being able to prepare your mindset. It’s like a rollercoaster, one moment you are ok and then reality hits. It’s still very raw, don’t give yourself a hard time, be kind to yourself…easier said than done, I know.

My dad passed suddenly, no illness gone in one hour of paramedics arriving in A&E. Cardic arrest several times, CPR…I was alone with him when he passed. I also went back to work soon, a week after the funeral. I went into auto pilot- practical mode of going through all the things we had to cover. I took the lead on all.Mum was busy lashing out at me, my sister at the time was being supportive but only managed 8 wks max. My estranged brother who was estranged with dad was just being his usual difficult self. Work was a distraction until it wasn’t and then it all began to surface. Go with it, find the counselling…look at Relate although they may not be traumatic bereavement trained some may fit as they understand the bereavement side. Give them a call if you like and just see if anyone fit’s and you feel most importantly that you can open up and be supported.

It’s hard loosing your dad so suddenly and having to keep it together at work and for your little ones but at some point you need to look after you and there is no set time as such, it’s when things surface that you know you have a space place.

Mine is only coming up now.

Keep posting here. There is so much support and understanding. Don’t feel like your alone, it’s a space you can share and others will be able to relate. I was amazed at the support I got.

If anything else comes to mind I will send you another post. Take care, hugs xx

I’m so sorry for your loss Emma.
I lost my dad in November 17 very suddenly, he had pain in his back and shoulder which was making it hard for him to walk. We called an ambulance and he was taken in, my mum went with him, kisses him good night, the next morning I visited and he was in a coma which was the biggest shock of my life. He never spoke again. We spent the next 5 days being told he was dehydrated and had a chest infection only to be told on the 6th day that he had lung cancer which had spread through his body into his bones, he died 16 hours later.
It was horrific. Like you I got through the first month which was Christmas in a complete daze. My 3 year old son was devastated.
It’s coming up to a year now and I can honestly say this past month it’s really hit me and begun to get harder. I can’t remrmber much of the past year. I’ve just done the motions and it’s all a blur.
I really can understand your devastation.
My only advice is to take one day at a time. Some days I feel a little better. Others I’m a complete mess. I don’t believe that it gets easier in time as people tell us. I just think we learn to cope in a different way because we have no choice but to carry on.

Don’t be too hard on yourself it’s still very early days, take the time off work if you can.

Sorry to ramble I just wanted you to know that what you’re feeling is completely normal.
Take care, Julie.

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