My dad

In January i lost my dad to stage 4 lung cancer it was heart breaking. He didnt want to stay in hospital or go to a hospice which he desperately need to but u couldn’t tell him. He got home but you could see it was a matter of weeks. My dad died a vicious dead it was horrendous.i got to my dads house who was laying on the floor in a terrible site i can never forget. He looked like a skeleton laying on the floor the cancer had destroyed him. There was piles of dried blood all on the floor my dad had been crawling on his front and got his vest caught on the carpet pikes that had ripped all his vest there was also blood up the doors and wall where he was trying to get himself up but couldnt and died alone in the floor in his pants a vest torn to pieces. I cant imagine what his last thought were he knew this was it, and he died alone on the cold floor. Did he see his dead relatives come for him i dont know . My poor dad died horrible which i cant forgive him or god. He could have died in hospital peaceful and not in pain but he did it his way which for him may have be right but for me i cant forgive and forget what site and last imagine i had of my dad.

I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad, @Deenise. It sounds like this has been so very traumatic for you and the way you’re feeling is completely understandable. I’m glad you have reached out for support here. You are not alone.

I’m sure someone will be along to share their thoughts. In the meantime, do you think it would be helpful to explore counselling? We offer free sessions at Sue Ryder. You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

Please keep reaching out and take care,