My ex bf was murdered

Last week I saw the news of a man with the same name as my ex had been murdered, I told my colleague and said what are the chances. Within a few hours my friends had contacted me to tell me this was unfortunately him.

We hadn’t spoken in a couple of years, we were friends throughout university and we had a very intense relationship. We were officially only together for about 6 months but spent every day together. I would stay his, or he would stay mine. It was the last relationship before my current boyfriend.

Whilst we were in a relationship, we were constantly attached but we would argue. We both knew deep down that we were better off as friends. I was completely heart broken when we did break up and it took a long time to recover.

He was a lovely man, who was always the life of the party, he was always happy. Although we didn’t have the best relationship, I keep thinking about all the good things he did, for my birthday he made me a scrap book album of our relationship (again, this was still very short) I convinced him to watch the entire Harry Potter series, introduced him to red velvet cake and we had so many personal jokes.

As this was a university relationship, we both got caught up in not being real adults. The last time I saw him as a couple I stormed out and screamed I loved you, you know. I was angry about something that I can’t even remember now.

Over the last few years, I saw him a few times and always thought he looked happy and I was glad he was getting by in life and moved on from the students we both were.

Last week when I saw the news of his murder (he was stabbed middle of the day outside work) I completely broke down, I feel like my world has shattered beneath me. I also feel this great deal of sadness and shock that I feel will never go away. He didn’t deserve this, no one does. I can’t imagine the world without him, even though we weren’t apart of each others lives I feel heart broken all over again.

My current boyfriend I’ve been with for over 3 years has been fantastic and does understand, however I can’t stop feeling this upset and don’t want to keep him burdened with this about my ex. I just don’t know how to get through this situation.

When I was 17 I had a very intense relationship with an Italian guy.
We were together for nearly 3 years and I thought I loved him with all my heart.
But I knew it would never last because his family had it planned for him to return to Italy and eventually he did. It broke my heart especially when he eventually got cancer and died a few years later. I had already met my husband by this time but I still broke down in front of him.
When my ex boyfriend died though it sealed my fate and I began to accept it and realised that I still had a lot of living to do. I was with my husband for 35 years and I never regretted a minute of it. My Ron died nearly 3 yrs ago.
You will accept that your ex boyfriend is not here but your present partner is, and if it is a good relationship you will find that you can lay your ex to rest in your head. Some things are just not meant to be.
I send you my thoughts and wish you well.x

Thank you, I’m sorry for your loss. I love my boyfriend more than anything, I’m more struggling with how my ex died. It wasn’t expected and so cruel, he didn’t deserve it and I feel like I have a constant sadness over me as I never got to say goodbye properly to him. I don’t know how to deal with this.