Last week I saw the news of a man with the same name as my ex had been murdered, I told my colleague and said what are the chances. Within a few hours my friends had contacted me to tell me this was unfortunately him.
We hadn’t spoken in a couple of years, we were friends throughout university and we had a very intense relationship. We were officially only together for about 6 months but spent every day together. I would stay his, or he would stay mine. It was the last relationship before my current boyfriend.
Whilst we were in a relationship, we were constantly attached but we would argue. We both knew deep down that we were better off as friends. I was completely heart broken when we did break up and it took a long time to recover.
He was a lovely man, who was always the life of the party, he was always happy. Although we didn’t have the best relationship, I keep thinking about all the good things he did, for my birthday he made me a scrap book album of our relationship (again, this was still very short) I convinced him to watch the entire Harry Potter series, introduced him to red velvet cake and we had so many personal jokes.
As this was a university relationship, we both got caught up in not being real adults. The last time I saw him as a couple I stormed out and screamed I loved you, you know. I was angry about something that I can’t even remember now.
Over the last few years, I saw him a few times and always thought he looked happy and I was glad he was getting by in life and moved on from the students we both were.
Last week when I saw the news of his murder (he was stabbed middle of the day outside work) I completely broke down, I feel like my world has shattered beneath me. I also feel this great deal of sadness and shock that I feel will never go away. He didn’t deserve this, no one does. I can’t imagine the world without him, even though we weren’t apart of each others lives I feel heart broken all over again.
My current boyfriend I’ve been with for over 3 years has been fantastic and does understand, however I can’t stop feeling this upset and don’t want to keep him burdened with this about my ex. I just don’t know how to get through this situation.