My fault

My mom had dementia and her carehome said they could not longer offer the care she neended due to a serious fall. She recovered well and I found her a new home , I’d looked around it and it seemed perfect, she passed away a couple of weeks after going there, it’s my fault for choosing that place, I’ll live with the guilt forever.

Hi Tooty,

Welcome to the Sue Ryder Online Community. I’m so sorry to hear that your mum passed away, and that you feel it is your fault. Guilt is a really common part of grief, but it sounds as though you did everything to make sure your mum was in the best place possible. Do you have any reason to think there were failings with the home or it was unsuitable for her? It sounds as though it is very unlikely that the choice of home caused her death.

I’m glad that you’ve found this Online Community, and I hope that it helps to have this space to share your feelings. Our users are a very supportive lot, and, if you read some of their posts, you will see that you aren’t alone in feeling guilty and questioning your actions. For example, you might be interested to read and reply to this recent conversation: Guilt after parent dying in a home.

If there’s anything I can help with, or you have any questions about the Online Community, you can contact me on

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I am sorry to hear all that but it isnt your fault she died. I blame myself every day for sending my beloved friend to scotland to live and keeping saying if only, should I, was it etc etc the dr said look he may not have lived as LONG had he stayed where he was and he hit the nail on the head only one person decides when ones time is up-God. You did what you thought was best