My first time posting because today has been really rough

I don’t know why I thought to come here really, I just thought maybe some of you would understand.

I lost my mum two days before Christmas and this morning I woke up after dreaming she had come back. In the dream I was explaining to her that she’d been gone for months and she couldn’t seem to understand it. Then she got cross becuase I had eaten the Christmas food without her. When I woke up I was devastated so I though I would head to the cemetery to visit (as I do most days). On arriving at her grave I found that two pots of flowers i had put there had been upended and the plants dumped out on the grave. I found the pots nearby and repotted them while crying great ugly sobs at the thought that someone had done something so horrible. After about an hour of this a man came to tend to a grave nearby and started talking to me so I told him what happened and it turns out that happens quite often and it’s just squirrels! Of course by this point my emotions were all over the place and I’ve been a wreck all day beating myself up about things that happened years ago and just generally spiraling.
For context my mum was my only real family and we lived together. Her loss was very sudden and I now feel completely alone in the world.
I have a really busy week ahead so just hoping someone has some tips to help me drag myself out of this.

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Hello, I can understand each and every thing you have said. Losing a mother is the worst pain possible. I lost my mom a month ago suddenly and unexpectedly. My life revolved around her and hers around me. I am in deep pain and suffering so much.
I think what you have is anxiety plus grief which I have too. I am overthinking everything. I am getting angry at my closed ones. I have stopped talking to my friends and distant relatives . All I want is my mom.
Please read or listen to the book “Anxiety -the missing stage of grief”. It will help you heal. I have started working and I am unable to focus at my tasks. The book helps me a little bit. I prefer listening on audible.
Please write this dream in a diary and start mentioning all your dreams with your mom in that. You can also talk to her when you write in the diary. It helps me.
I am so sorry you are going through so much. We are all in this together.

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