My grandad who had been living with me and my mum for the last couple of years, is suffering from COPD, diabetes and also heart problems, but about 7 weeks ago he had been feeling quite unwell so my mum persuaded him to go to the hospital which he did but the day after going in his breathing got so bad that he was moved to ICU where he stayed for 10 days (7 of which he was on a ventilator) and was then moved to a specialist COPD ward where he then stayed for about six weeks before being moved to a nursing home just over a couple of weeks ago and so far he seems to have been settling in alright.
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Hi Hannah, how are you and your family doing today? It’s sometimes difficult to post a reply when there’s a much beloved one, on their pathway to end of life. It’s coming up to two years since my husband died. He left home in November 2016 and went into hospital for his condition to be steadied. From there, he went into a nursing home with 24/7 nursing care. I spent most of my days and evenings in his room, persuading him to take medication, have injections and eat. Looking back, it was an absolute honour to be at his side whether he was at the home or back in hospital, as complications began. He was so so brave and an absolute inspiration.
I am sure you will feel the same way about your Grandad. Please let us know how he is doing and how you are…sending my warmest best wishes to you all, xxx
Hi Rainbow, we’re not doing too bad thanks. Sorry to hear about your husband hope you’re doing ok. Up the nursing home visiting my grandad and he doesn’t seem to be doing too bad, although he has been feeling a bit under the weather on and off recently and I’m ok thanks xxx
Thanks for your update Hannah. I will always say that I’m doing ok…it’s become my mantra. Only to those who I feel are able to understand how hard it is just to get through ‘a day in my shoes’ will I open up. I know too well, the ‘on and off’ days. Your heart will beat a little faster waiting for things to settle down again. You have strength and courage Hannah, your Grandad is so lucky to have you and you him. A peaceful night to both, xx
That’s ok. Left the nursing home not too long ago but sometimes he can be hard to get on with, especially if he’s not feeling very well xx
Hi Hannah, although mine was a slightly different situation to yours, I know the difficulties you must be facing trying to look after your grandad, support your mum and look after yourself at the same time. Accepting he needed hospital treatment was probably difficult for him, as is often the case for our grandparents’ generation. And moving into a nursing home was maybe not where he would have expected things to lead.
I wanted to ask how informed you guys are about what’s happening. Are the medical and nursing staff keeping you up to speed?
For me and my family, having recently lost my Nan, it was (some) staff keeping us posted that really helped us anticipate what was coming, to make preparations, say our private goodbyes before it was too late. Your grandad is lucky to have you by his side at this time. Do remember as much as you’re able to take care of yourself. It’s easy for that to go by the wayside when you’re busy taking care of others.
Yes it was difficult for him as it was my mum that had to push him to go to the hospital as he didn’t want to go and was trying to put off going for as long as possible. Don’t think he was expecting to be moved to a nursing home but we weren’t at first either.
So far he’s been given funding for the nursing home for 3 months, which will be running out next month, so got an idea that my mum will have to have a meeting with the home to discuss what else can be done and whether he will still be able to stay there. Sorry to hear about your nan and I know he is but sometimes he doesn’t always seem as though he appreciates it as he can be a bit difficult to get on with as it is anyway and as he’s in the nursing home don’t feel as though I’m having to really take care of him, just making a point of trying to visit as often as I can so that I won’t feel guilty when the time does come.
Sounds like some unexpected things have happened then on all sides. Is he settled (or as settled as can be) where he is now? Moving to a different place can be scary and unsettling for anyone. My Nan moved to a residential home in her later life and it took her a while to adjust. He will get used to the place eventually.
It sounds quite tough then going to visit if your grandad is hard to get along with. That accompanied by his health issues too. Just check in with yourself every now and again to make sure it’s not too often that you’re visiting. There is such a thing, it’s all about finding the balance that works for you and him.
Yes he does seem to have settled in ok. Yes it can be a bit tough sometimes although other times he can be a pleasure to be around as his mood can be quite up and down and unpredictable.
Still doesn’t seem to be doing too bad … has days where he can be better than others though
Update; Not much change with my grandad, still in the nursing home but he can have good and bad days and can’t tell yet how much longer he might have.
Hi Hannah, I found that all I could do was to take each day on its own merits or deal with whatever changes my husband presented with. After 16 months at home following encephalitis, he then received 24/7 nursing care for almost 10 months, being hospitalised for sepsis and seizures, during that time. I see it as a journey towards end of life, meeting new people, depending upon others for advice and support. The hardest part of that journey was trust when apart from him…it had to be built day by day and I needed to be with him, at different parts of his day, for his comfort. His mood changed in an instant…his personality changed…but nothing has or will ever change in my heart.
I believe you are strong enough to walk along side your dear Grandad…let him feel your love now, whilst you can. Take good care of you and your Mam, sending kindest wishes, x
Hi Rainbow I wasn’t aware that your husband had encephalitis, as a matter of fact I also had it as a baby and from what I’ve heard it had been hard at the time for family around me. I have still regularly been going to visit my grandad and depending on how I’m feeling in myself I have sometimes felt a bit upset after leaving him, thinking that one of these days it will be the last time seeing him. Thanks, so far I have been taking good care of my mum and will continue to even when the inevitable happens x