Hello - I have not written before - I don’t know who to add - or groups - I chose to share my feelings of my beautiful granddaughter- sorry if I chose a user- I don’t want place my feelings on you.
I recently experienced such a loss, the death of my 9 year old daughter. She was born nine years earlier with massive complications and such odds of survival to be with us, yet she did! BG needed an operation in both eyes, before she was a year old, had half her bowel taken out and guts, had to have a feed TPN overnight . A new liver by the time she was 3, having spent 4 long days in dialysis for her kidneys , even though the end she looked orange and body huge due to her fluid built up. BG spent most of her life in hospital and 3 long years in various 3 hospitals and not coming out due to her complications and being put into a vegetative state, whilst organs settled. In the end her bone marrow biopsy results arrived - Nil negative nothing to be done. The decision BG would be on palliative care, once the right time came.
BG loved Harry Styles and Harry Potter, Griffindore House , Hermonie! Amazingly Harry Styles came on board and had a video call with her and her brother. It was amazing! We have the live stream, Hermonie sent voice messages, and Harry sent tickets for BG to have her own box on Wembly opening night, he bought her tickets forward, had he not, she’d never have seen him! Her end was a stage show of things she wanted to do, go to Harry Potter world to see the new updates, sadly she went but returned, BG was in too much pain, she didn’t enjoy Harry Styles, as she couldn’t stand, having lost the use of her legs and she did get up set not being able to dance. Harry played her favourite song. By that time had come to an end, My Big Girl had lost the will to be the Miss Trunchbald she always had portrayed in her nature, feisty, always strong and resilient , inspiring and never giving in, so out there!
“Why are you crying , she’d say- don’t cry- or stop crying she’d say.” BG didn’t want anyone’s tears, no! At her last days, I sat beside her, never once crying even though inside my very bones were wanting to break, organs shrink and my voice quiver, and my tears running inside my body not outwards. I sat with her dad mum, brothers , sisters and we laughed with her, told her stories, talked of Harry and we did sometimes get ‘ told off ‘ by BG if the story was told wrongly! Her mind strong. The end was coming as she became more uncomfortable, nothing was right, her shouts became lesser until murmurs only the sounds of her chest under strain from the fluid in her lungs, her chest rising shallowly . It was just time, the dr’s made her comfortable, now she lay much stiller, no noise, she seemed to sleeping. We all went to catch up quickly on things we needed to do.
BG chose her time to leave us, the moment we were not by her, she passed away, her mum asleep, her siblings watching a film, her dad gone for a shower, and me I’d popped out . None of us at that chosen moment saw her slip away, having been there with her for hours! But you see that was BG she was 9 going on 90 and always knew her mind! She knew that while we were other wise occupied , she’d go! No fan fare!
Afterwards, we all kissed her, because before she’d not let us, we told her as always we I loved her. Poppy Angelina. AKA Big Girl. That’s how everyone knew her, that was her chosen name ! On her lovely blue coffin was Big Girl, with sparkles, her flowers in memory to Big Girl, two owls stood near her as her favourite Hedwig! I stood next to her, and told her I lived her. The tears are near just under the surface whilst I write this as I can’t really cry, because Big Girl never wanted any of to cry! We didn’t let on she was dying, we always said it’s our family always visiting! The funeral she arrived on a big red double decker bus as that was her last wish to ride on one, followed by a sports car, her favourite one and we all dressed as Griffindore House colours and uniform. Our last wand wish was to Big Girl in the flower garden.
I feel choked up my throat lumpy and near to tears, I don’t know as her Nan, how to feel 9 years of hospital visits and very rarely did we do much outside, but every memory with her is in my heart .
The hair of Big Girl her mum let me have a beautiful picture she painted in her last two months, whilst with her, her bead wall decoration she made me and her memories she gave me always in my heart. The love I have for her. Two days before she died, I was at my mums funeral, mum went before Big Girl, to make sure she had continued family.
ive been in tears reading your post..At such a young age, poor baby girl, she went through so much, i know what thats like, my husband also went through dialysis ..im also a grandma, i have a 10 year old granddaughter, she is my world, as is her younger brother..as grandma’s, we sure do love our grand babies..my heart goes out to you.., ill be praying for you and your family,..im glad she got to see and meet some of these people she admired…take care and may God bless you.