I have been reading all of your comments and my heart aches for you all. My beloved husband died four years ago and no, I have not stopped grieving, the sadness has softened around the edges, I have learned to cope on my own, because I have had to, our family have moved on, new homes, new lives, new wives even.
Some of you have said that after 8 weeks you don’t feel any better, you won’t feel any better for a long, long time to come, I found the second year the worst as the first year goes by in a blur of sorting things out, then along comes the second year, everything has been done, paperwork sorted and then you think, now what, well, that means you have 12 months facing you where you are thinking, last year he/she was here. Then comes the third year and again 12 months facing you and you are thinking, last year he/she wasn’t here and that is when it hit’s you that you are now making new memories without your beloved partner and he/she is now a part of your past and not your future, and believe you me, that hurt’s.
What happens is that after a few weeks/months you think you are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel then bang, you are at rock bottom again. I just want to tell you that this is normal. People are different, they cope differently, but some are hard on themselves thinking they should be stronger, you don’t have to be strong, if you want to scream, then scream, there is nothing to be ashamed of crying for the one person you loved with all of your heart, to me it only shows how much you loved them.
When people tell you to join this and join that, just say, thank you and do what the heck you want, do not try and keep busy for keeping busy’s sake, sit down and think about your partner, cry, look at photos and cry. Don’t bottle it up.
When they tell you you should be over it by now, ignore them, they have either never been through such a loss or are being insensitive and don’t understand what you are going through. Do what you want to do, when you want to do it, but most of all, get up each morning and take what comes and deal with it when it comes.
After four years I am still dealing with the loss of our future together, I live in the past such a lot as that is where my wonderful memories are. I am 75 years of age and was married 47 years and together 50 years, he was 18 when we met and we loved each other with all our hearts and I will never, ever get over it.
I am thinking of you all because, believe you me, it will not be an easy road.