My husband is dying how do I cope?

Today I was told that nothing more could be done for my husband. He is in intensive care. They think he will die within the next few days as his body can no longer cope. We have been married 47 years and have no family. How on earth do I cope with this. With one income gone I will have hardly anything to live on so can’t get out and about.

Take one day at a time. You are having to deal with many things here and you have so much going through your head.
Take up any offers of support which come your way in whatever form, practical, emotional.
As for financial worries, go to Cutizens Advice Bureau who will help you to access any benefits you may be entitled to receive. I am not sure how old you are but AgeUK are very good as well. Good luck.

Thank you. My immediate problem now is that some friends are saying I shouldn’t allow my husband to die as the doctors have advised in the hospital. He has a lot of medical problems and he’s very weak. He’s currently on life support. He keeps picking up a little and then dropping back. Each time he drops back the doctors fight to stabilise him again. Yesterday they said he had slipped right back to where he started. The next time he becomes unstable they want to remove the life support and let him die. I agreed to this but today friends are saying don’t let them bully me into it. Let him keep fighting. What do I do? In between times he’s conscious but not able to speak as he has had a stroke that affected his voice. Should I ask him what he wants to do?

Oh how I feel for you. These decisions are hard and other people should not have a say or influence you in any way because it is you that knows what is happening. I do hope when the time comes you don’t have to say anything. I was asked what I wanted and I said for him not to leave me but knowing that was not possible, in the end it was not up to me, he just had to go and I do hope it’s the same for you.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and I will be thinking of you.

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Thank you. I’ve seen the end of life stage several times before. It’s the same for animals as it is for humans. I don’t think the people who are telling me to keep him alive understand the process. The body starts to shut down and no matter how much you try to support it nothing can be done to stop the inevitable.

Hello Jillity,

I am so sorry. This is so awful for you, trying to make such a massive decision when you are feeling so scared. In your last post it sounds as though you have arrived at an understanding based on your own experience.

Whatever the outcome of this heartbreaking situation, please know that everyone here understands and will try to support you. Take each hour of each day as it comes and and remember to take care of yourself as well in all this,

Ann x

I went to see him today and he is a little better. I daren’t hope he’ll be well again as we’ve been here before and it’s all come crashing down. They are gradually withdrawing his support and he’s coping on his own so far.

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