My late husband.

In January I found out my husband had terminal lung cancer we absolutely devastated.
It’s been a difficult year for every one concerned.
My husband passed away on the 27th of October and has just had his funeral on the 23rd November.
My Son is in the forces and had to leave me alone to go back to work because of his boss telling him too. It is really hard not having the person around who you loved no more I am absolutely heart broken.
Haven’t a clue when I will be able to go back to work.
Don’t know if I am strong enough to do this alone.
I found out in 2015 I had breast cancer which I caught early, while having treatment my dad passed away so I had to sort out his funeral arrangements plus my husband went for a Scan that year because he wasn’t feeling well but his results got missed and weren’t followed up! If they had of been he would still be here today .
My life is a complete nightmare at the moment.
Plus over the last few years I have lost my mum dad and sister so only 1 sister left in our immediate family.
Thank you for reading this I was so upset yesterday I cried for 7 hours.
I just need to get it off my chest.

Emily. You have had a most difficult time, but can say can understand your pain as I feel it too after my husband passed away three months ago. Each day is hard without him. Have family and friends, they have their lives and don’t want to be a drag on them. One wonders how this life of nothing will ease.

Oh Emily my heart goes out to you - you’ve had so much trauma to deal with - I have no answers I lost my husband 6 weeks ago the pain gets worse daily - I’m glad you’ve felt able to post on here - today I posted for first time also - I think it’s right when it’s said no one can feel your pain unless they’re dealing with the same loss - how we go forward I do not know xx

Thank you for your replies.
I was on a total melt down yesterday just because my neighbour asked me why I’m not back at work yet!
My husband’s funeral was only last Friday.
I was a complete mess! I even cried myself to sleep last night.
Just feel so alone,sad and empty with no one here no more to give me a hug or to reassure me it’s just heart breaking.
I’m not sure how to move on either at the moment.
I have been off work nearly 2 months and not going back until the new year.
My Son lives in Colchester so I am going there for Christmas and New year.
I have just put my tree up because I know my husband would want me to, but I feel like I am going mad doing it !!!
I have done it because on these horrible dark days I think the lights will give me a bit of comfort with my husband’s picture beside it.

You all take care on this site that none of us should be on.
I will say a prayer for you all.
Stay strong and keep going and ride the roller coaster of grief.

Love big hugs and happiness to us all in the future xxxx

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Hello Emily, just wanted to add my understanding of how heartbroken you are feeling. I’m very sorry you have lost your husband. I sense a great deal of courage; it’s very early days for you. Thank you for the hug, sending one right back. Kind regards, x

Thank you. It is early days but if the hurt and pain carried on like this,I don’t think I could cope.
I try to have something to look forward to each day just to get me through each day but it’s a bit hard at times.
I wouldn’t want to see my husband carry on with the pain he was in .
He had lost all feeling from his waste down and he also had a tumour come out of his skin under his right arm which he hid very well for ages but then it started bleeding!!
The lung cancer was on the left!!! So I had bad feeling about everything at that stage.
To add to our agony all the weight he lost, the chest infections, hallucinating, talking in his sleep, losing his strength it was all devastating this last year but as hard as this year has been I knew the hardest part was yet to come .
Myself my son and Daughter in Law were with my husband all day the day he passed away but he decided to do it in the evening as we left the care home.
Soon as I got home the phone rang with the news I had always been dreading! We all had to go back again it was so awful xx

Thanks for reading this It helps with all your kind words. Xxx

Hi Emily.
Don’t worry too much about the future and your ability to cope. Who knows what the future will look like. I think it’s essential to have things to look forward to, particularly in the short term. A week is a long time in grief and things may look very slightly different as each week goes by. I’m finding it’s impossible to think about what my future life might look Like. All sorts of things will affect. Just getting through the days intact is what matters at the moment. I miss my wife every minute of every day but some of the pain is easing after what will be 16 weeks tomorrow. If I sit and just think about how much I miss her I can guarantee the outcome so I’m constantly looking for something to distract me and it seems that helps a lot of people. At some point maybe we think to ourselves that we are coping but I doubt we could identify that point in advance. My wife died after her three daughters had gone home. My son and I were left with her and my son told her not to hold on any longer and that she could go. She didn’t wait much longer. My Aunt died four weeks ago. She was due to go into a home two days later. Maybe she decided the time was right. Perhaps your husband held on until he thought the time was right and didn’t want to distress you by being there. I know my wife would do virtually anything to avoid distressing her children. I wish the best for you and hope you can gain the necessary strength to reach that point of coping.

Thanks for your reply Emily. I have found it hard to separate grieving my loss of the husband that was against the husband who suffered, so deserving painless peace. Our husbands were both so brave Emily. My husband passed 13 months ago and slipped unconscious for several days beforehand. I can see how awful a time this is for you and your family.
I’ve just recently started bereavement counselling. There is help out there when needed and also just at your fingertips, here xx

I know what you mean, some times I think I need counciling and some times I think I am coping o.k. so giving it another week or two before I decide.

Sending you lots of love and hugs xxx

Hello yorkshireLad 1950

You have had an awful time of things too.
I am so sorry for you and your family.

I am like you I’m keeping as busy as I can each day because sitting here and having to much time to think really starts me panicking.
I am alone most of the time as my son is in the armed forces.
I have a sister whom I see once a week .

I want to go back to work because I will have company again but I know in my heart I am definitely not strong enough to do that yet.

Friends have been really good but at the end of the day they have their lives .
I don’t like people seeing me cry I like to do it when I am alone because I find it a private personal thing and sometimes I find it harder when people are around me.

I’m not setting myself any goals yet!!! Because I know I won’t reach them.
Some days meaning every day are a real struggle takes me ages to do anything but I still try because I know I have to keep going and not give up.
I promised my husband that when he was unable I would look after every one and everything for him.
Now he is no longer here I really miss him looking after me!

I have been his Carer for the last year nearly, I didn’t know he only had 10months left I couldn’t ask how long because it was difficult enough and I don’t think I would have got out of bed in the mornings.

Thank you for your reply it means a lot.

Sending you lots of love and hugs to you and your family.
It’s the hardest time of the year for us all but we will get through the festivities and I will be thinking about you all.

Best wishes to you.Xxxxxxx

I have decided to go for bereavement counciling also.
I get up and cope through the day but I am crying myself to sleep nearly every night because I lay here thinking I can’t believe my husband is never coming home x

Waiting for a phone call, it was a hard decision to make but I am glad now I have done it.
Thank you.
It was your kind words which made me do it.
Sending you lots of love and hugs for the future Xxxxxxxx

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Hi Emily, thank you for letting me know. It’s said that reaching out for help is a positive sign. We can only hope bereavement counselling is beneficial to us; small steps for now. Take care, x

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