my life full doing things for my baby Jayne to zip

my life consisted of cleaning, cooking, shopping, washing clothes.
I used tape programs for Jayne edit adverts and put them on a dvd.
so Jayne could watch them at her leisure.id cook nice meals what ever Jayne fancied.my life revolved around Jayne.i played pool on Wednesdays,id give Jayne a call at the flat or her mobile before I went out.she would say give me a call if your finished before 11pm.id call what ever the time as I wanted know she was ok,and hear her voice to be able say I love you and hear Jayne tell me she loves me before I went to bed.
my eyes are flooding with tears as I write this and nothing any one could say or do could ease my sense of loss at missing the most important person to of ever been in my life.i will be putting a post in the ,local rag stating how im missing Jayne.sad things is I know Jaynes parents brother etc will be wanting moan again as ive mentioned before Jaynes younger brother who seemed an ok person when Jayne was here.turns out hes a nasty specimen whose lucky im doing as Jayne would expect when dealing with him.as without wanting do as Jayne would,id of knocked is block off at how he talked about Jayne to me and is general attitude.told me I was selfish posting aticles in the paper and how it upsets Jaynes parents.wtf.showing im missing Jayne and love her more than life itself.is attitude and comments shows him and his family have no respect for Jayne or what Jayne would of wanted .they are without doubt the most nasty family ive ever come across in my life time.they belittled mine and Jaynes relationship and showed no love for Jayne what so ever.seems trying line their pockets with Jaynes money and possessions was their only goal. As regards showing respect to Jayne and what she would of expected from what Jayne thought was her loving family.sadly Jayne will be looking down in shock at her parents and brothers.any one with an ounce of empathy would be very embarrassed to call any of Jaynes family Friends.
please excuse my outbursts but I needed to try clear my head of whats going round and round on a loop every night in my mind.

I understand your feelings to a certain extent. This situation can bring the best and worst out in families. My fiancé family seem to blame me as he was a drinker and I couldn’t stop him drinking but he was a grown man the choice was his. They didn’t let me say goodbye properly but I’m doing so in my own way. I have told myself to not worry about what other people think of how I am handling the grief, you have to do what is best for you and if it’s putting something in the local paper then do so. They did let me in the flat to get my things and some of his to remember him by. Sadly it had been burgled of all the expensive items and was completely turned over but it’s not about money, it’s more about sentimental things. The police think his keys were stolen from him as he lay unconscious but I’m not telling his family this as I feel I need to protect them from this upsetting idea. It is more in my ethos to know in all this I’m being the better person. They promised to send me photos and haven’t. But I know that my fiancé would be proud of me for treating his family with respect. Be kind to yourself.
Rosie.

It’s OK Jianye. It sometimes follows that families can come apart when there is grief. It’s because there is such a disparity of feeling. How can they know how you feel? There is no way any of us can explain fully how we feel after such an awful loss. You had order and regularity in your life and now it’s gone. If you want to put a post in your local then so what! It’s YOUR business and how YOU feel. I just don’t understand when people criticize a person in grief. You, I and all of us have undergone the worst experience possible. A life trauma. Judgement and criticism is the last thing we want.
So you are selfish!! Nonsense! It may sound hard, but being selfish in this pain is often helpful. We can so easily neglect ourselves and, in trying to conform to the wishes of others, make ourselves feel worse.
I think we all know instinctively if something is right or wrong for us, and we should be guided by that inner feeling rather than from outside influences.
It’s all OK to have a good vent. Why not? That’s what sites like this are all about. I think for your own peace of mind the less you have to do with such people the better. Now take care. Blessings.

Hi. Rosie. Now that is awful. To be burgled at such a time is so distressing. Being burgled at any time is painful. I find it so sad that anyone could steal keys off someone who was unconscious. It really is hitting the bottom of human respect.
Now you being blamed for him drinking is typical of those who speak from ignorance about alcoholism. People can live years with an alcoholic person, and eventually give up trying. Recovery has to come from them, but mostly they just deny they have a problem. Try not to knock yourself up over being blamed. It’s just not true.
You sound a very wise and considerate person. I am sure your fiance would be pleased about that. Take care.

Thank you for your kind words, they mean a lot. Rosie

hi Rosie
thank you for leaving a comment.im very sorry to hear you’ve been treated appallingly to.some families are just nasty and rude.Also sick that someone burgled the flat.hope that you are getting help in coping with losing your fiancé.
regards
ian

hi Jonathon
thank you for your kind words.
I even just put Jaynes first name and mine,in the local press. saved them thinking im doing it stir things up.As It was for me and Jayne to show I miss and love her deeply.Even though they have been totally disrespectful to me and mine and Jaynes relationship,it hurts me more that they didn’t show Jayne and love or respect,they are one sick family who I can say hand on heart I can never forgive for their treatment and actions surrounding Jaynes funeral and total lack of any love shown towards Jayne.
Jayne was the most wonderful loving caring thoughtful lady i have ever had the pleasure to meet.and luckily for me she was my best friend lover and soulmate.
regards
ian

I am pleased that you have found the strength to pay your own tribute to Jayne.
In your last sentence you have said it all. Jayne was the most wonderful and loving caring lady and luckily she was your best friend, lover and soulmate. She was YOURS Ian, she loved you and you loved her so her selfish unbelievable family are of no concern any longer. Forget them and keep your love for Jayne special.
Her family probably didn’t really dislike you but you was an obstacle when it came to their greed. One day they will pay the price.
Love
Pat xxx

thank you for your response Pat.if you had heard Chris,thats Jaynes younger brother talk to me and is attitude was obvious he disliked me.and luckily for him I love Jayne and didn’t want to give him what he deserved which was a good few punches to his head,i bit my tongue and acted with dignity just how Jayne would expect me to.sorry that I have thoughts of reacting to the families nasty treatment of me in a negative way,but as of now im in control of causing aggro to those nasty pieces of work.hopefully I will get to maybe address my issues once I get more bereavement counselling.
regards
ian

My ‘mother’ - in-law could give yours a bit of a challenge. As my partner was dying and couldn’t breathe and with 8 people in the room, my partner asked me to ask everyone to go now as he was very tired. What he meant was that he was on his way to his last goodnight. A few hours later, he passed. Now the mother in law is not speaking to me and won’t even look at me and she had to go first in the funeral procession. Why? Because I stole her final moments with her son.
The best bit about that is that she lives less than 3 minutes drive away from us and she didn’t care enough to come and see him in the weeks before he passed. Cares a lot now though(only about herself - she hasn’t once asked her grandchildren how they are doing, selfish ) . When she came back to the hospital after he had gone, she said to him “You didn’t wait for me to come back”. Ooh people can get you angry and sad at the same time.

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What is it with people. You did as your partner asked, just as I did what my husband wanted. He didn’t want me to send for his daughters when he was in his last days. Like your mother in law they live locally but never bothered to pick up the phone and see how he was. He told me not to call them as if they couldn’t come to see him of their own free will then he didn’t want them be summoned. He was a kind man who wouldn’t make and demands on anyone. Yet at the funeral they thought they should be the most important and didn’t acknowledge me from start to finish. I was his wife for thirty years they had plenty of time to get used to the idea. Yet I thought we had a good relationship. I have never heard from them since nor any of his other family members. I have written friendly letter, e-mails asking that we join together in grief, I have phoned them but have not received one reply from any member. I accept now that I am no longer a member of this family.
It all seems so sad when we should be supporting each other.
xxx

I am so sad for them really. You obviously have the heart, but they seem to be made of stone. We know what it means to love and be loved xxx

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