On Sunday 21st September, my life changed. My Dad called to say my Mum had passed away suddenly. The night before they’d been out with their friends at the pub, no signs of what was to happen.
Her funeral is on Friday and I’m struggling with saying that final goodbye and never seeing her again. Especially when we are yet to have any answers as to why she died. We are still waiting for the outcome from the coroner.
I think I’m still in shock, my heart aches constantly. I feel so much pain for my Dad who is now alone in their house.
I live 3 hours away so I am travelling to him as much as I can.
I just want my Mum back. I’d give anything to talk to her 
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Hello @GemmaHol,
I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your mum that brings you here.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help right now.
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
We’ll be thinking of you on Friday, please do feel you can reach out here for support.
Thank you again for sharing – you are not alone.
Take care,
Seaneen
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Hi Gemma, I’m so sorry for your loss. I could have written your post myself. I lost my mum a few days after you and I feel there was life before and life after. I’m no longer the same person. The funeral is next week and as it gets closer I am unable to get my head around never seeing her again and having her missing for the rest of my life. I’m sorry I don’t have answers but I hope it brings a little comfort to know you are not alone. There are lots of people on this forum who understand and share your pain.
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Thank you so much for your kind words. I’m so sorry for your loss too. Never in a million years did I think I’d be picking funeral songs, flowers, poems and and outfit ready to say goodbye so soon.
No matter what they’ll always be our Mum and continue to guide us through life. My Mum taught me to be strong and independent. I never knew until now how important that would be.
Sending you a big hug x
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Absolutely. I am thankful that I have a wonderful strong and courageous role model to follow. If I can be half the woman my mum was then I will have lived my life very well indeed. They are very big shoes to fill!
My mammy passed away in May she was fitter than us, always busy walking her dogs everywhere up n down we were together every day, me and mam was together every day she lived across the road, I can’t get over her not being here speaking to her laughing with her everyday
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How are you doing GemmaHol? I hope you have managed to get some answers and are coping ok.
@s.b.2025 No answers as of yet. I honestly don’t know how I am. I’ve said I’ll return to work tomorrow but I don’t know if that’s the right thing to do.
I got back home from my Dad’s two days ago as I stayed a few days after the funeral and feel like I’ve gone backwards. But that maybe because when I’m there I need to be strong for Dad?
How are you doing? Has the funeral takrn place? X
@Teresa77 sending you a big hug. Our Mam’s are such a huge part of our lives. Our biggest cheerleaders and support. Its so hard without them xx
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I know what you mean about feeling like you’re going backwards. My mum’s funeral was Tuesday and I’m so empty and sad now that she’s physically nowhere. I try to put on a front for my children but it hits hard when I’m on my own. It sounds like what you describe with your Dad, trying to appear stronger than you are.
I hope you have a job that allows you to ease back into it. Take it slowly and if you’re not ready then you need to take more time and prioritise yourself.
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The call to say her ashes were ready to collect really hit home. I felt more comfort knowing she was in the funeral home and physically still here. I think thats why i visited her as much as I could.
I found the funeral hard, but not as bad as I thought it might be. Seeing my kids so heartbroken during the service was hard but despite being 10 & 7 they really wanted to be there.
The front is exhausting though, smiling on the school run etc.
I start at 6am, all I can do is see how I feel. I’m worried I’m rushing myself. But we’ll see. I have no idea what ‘ready’ to return feels like x
Yes it’s the cremation and loss of mum being physically somewhere that has broken me this week. Yet to hear about her ashes and don’t know how I will respond to that. I think part of me is hoping they forgot to do it which I know isn’t the case.
I didn’t let my children attend the funeral. Such a personal call but I knew how upset I would be and that it would make them upset too. Thankfully they haven’t asked about what happened next as I don’t want to say that aloud and make it real.
Good luck for tomorrow! Hopefully an early start means an early finish.
I didn’t make it. I couldn’t sleep, got up and dresssed and decided I wasn’t ready. I think it dawned on me when I went to bed that I wasn’t ready x
I’m very glad you realised before putting yourself through it. It’s a massive step. There’s no rush. Your life has changed completely in a short space of time.
You’re so right and people have said this to me. I hate being off, I’m not someone to have time at work. I didn’t want to turn up a sobbing mess which was my concern this morning. I’m a manager to have to face people and I’m not ready for the ‘how are you doing’ questions.
How are you today? X
I totally get it. I hardly ever have time off. I know at the moment I’m just not strong enough. I have been resting a lot in the mornings and then try to potter around and keep busy. I went to town this afternoon and bumped into someone who asked how I was. I started tearing up again. I’m suppressing it and trying to appear ok when out but really it’s just below the surface and ready to burst out at any moment.
This is exactly me too including the daily routine. I really want to be able to talk about it but I can’t. I know I’m avoiding people. I’ve said next week I need to try and meet a friend for a coffee x
Just a message to say I’m thinking of you
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Thanks Gemma. Even though I keep busy I just feel unshakeable sadness and hollow inside. How are you doing?