It is now 10 months and I have had to survive without you for the sake of our amazing family, who have loved and supported me before and since that awful day. Without them to consider, I would definitely not be here, but I couldn’t put them through more grief so here I am. I love them enough to stay for them. You would want that.
For some inexplicable reason, out of the blue, today has been one of the worst days I have ever experienced since the dreadful day you died. I don’t know what to do with myself, and I have never felt so distraught as I do today and sobbed until I was almost sick. I need to connect with you somehow so this is my message to you:-
My precious Darling, you were my love, my life, my rock, my safe place.
When someone upset me, you cuddled me better.
You were the one we all turned to, the one who had the answers, the one who was our rock in times of upset and confusion.
We all loved you to the moon and back.
All through our long (but not long enough) 54 year marriage, we were so happy. Ups and downs occurred, some dark times, as they do in every marriage, but we worked our way through them back to the light.
Together, we weathered every storm.
I always felt your arm around me, even if we were apart through work.
I don’t have the words to describe how safe I felt with you, but I have the words to describe how happy we were: ecstatic, excited, supported and so, so in love. You were always on my side, but made me fight my own battles. I was so cross with you about that, but you were right. It made me a stronger and more confident person. Thank you my darling, for that.
You are gone now, but I will never forget you and the blissful times we shared. I am so glad I never took those times, or you, for granted, and we told one another how much each of us loved and appreciated the other, so I have no regrets about that.
Your handprint is for ever on my heart and your handsome face is etched on my memory. You were my world and I will love you as long as I live. You will never be forgotten by me or the rest of our family.
Sleep in peace my love. I am with you in spirit and love you with all my heart.
Your angel, Ann x
How lovely, and how fortunate that you had a wonderful marriage and husband. I
I too was blessed.
Hello @AnnR. That is beautiful and I can echo every single word. My lovely husband, after 47 years together is still my reason for carrying on a so called normal life even though I have been alone during lockdown. He is still my everything and I do things to make him proud of me. I have had signs that he is still around me and that is a comfort.
We did realize how special what we had at the time was, and loved every minute, but we didn’t know how precious it would become in our memory did we Ann?
Take care Ann.
Love and light. x
What a lovely tribute to your lovely husband and I echo everything you say. I had 50 years of a wonderful marriage to my lovely Ron and of course we always want more. Ron was our Rock in our family and I will always be married to him and love him so much. Sending love and hugs. XxxCarolxxxx
Sorry Ann I meant to say take care and keep in touch. Xx. Carol xx
Thank you so much. I am so glad you were happy too. A good marriage seems to be a rare thing nowadays. Couples seem to give up at the slightest hurdle and that’s that. Some things are worth fighting for, aren’t they?
Hello @rocketron, thank you for your message. I am so glad you were so happy too. We are a rare breed, and as you say, we will always be married.
Hello @Jean2. Thank you for your message. You are so lucky to have had signs, as yet I haven’t experienced that, but maybe one day. You are right about what we had being special in our memory.
True love never dies. With a marriage like yours, whatever happens, there is no regret.
Thank you for contacting me. What you say is so true. Thank you.
AnnR - I feel the same. It is almost 6 months for me and I miss my lovely husband of 48 years so much. My family are so kind to me - I could be with them or other friends - and still feel so lonely. It’s like I’ve lost most of myself. Everything still feels so strange - I can’t ever imagine feeling ‘normal’ again. I, too would prefer not to be here, but my family have suffered so much grief that I couldn’t possibly add to it for them. So I put on a brave face and keep going the best I can. I suppose it’s all we can do. Reading people’s thoughts on here does help me feel less alone - such a lot of us are suffering.
Sending best wishes to you . Take Care
you are welcome. I was fortunate to have a soulmate like yours. I shall forever treasure the true love that we had shared.
A few weeks before she passed, she told me, again, she felt so blessed to be married to me and would have no regret if god took her immediately.
Now that she’s gone, and I’m living in hell. But I do believe she didn’t have any regret throughout her life, albeit a bit too short.
I echo all of that Ann. I lost my lovely husband far too early after 35 years, the utter shock of that awful day over two years ago now will never leave us but you’re right, it’s for our families that we carry on and make sure we keep all those wonderful memories alive.
Our children and I talk - and laugh - about what he would have said all the time and I’ve painted two portraits of him, one incorporating some of the things he used to say, the names of his favourite places and bands and so on.
I’ve certainly learned who my true friends are since then. One remark that staggered me for its sheer ignorance was having someone refer to “my ex husband” purely because he was no longer with us. That, he will never be and one day I shall explain to this idiot exactly why he should choose his words more carefully.
Sorry Barbara, I somehow missed your message before. I am sorry that you are suffering too. Thank you so much for contacting me. You take care too,
Ex-husband! What an insensitive and stupid remark to make to anyone who had lost their beloved husband. I’m sorry you had to listen to that. Six months tomorrow since I lost my lovely husband - am missing him so much. Life will never be the same for us. I’ve come to realise that nobody understands our grief unless they’ve been through it and it feels like we will go through it for the rest of our lives.
Sending love and sympathy
35 years married is stiol far too early to lose your husband, and I am so sorry you are in the same boat as I am.
I loved the idea of the portraits, and think that is a great tribute to him. I plan to design a cross stitch commemorating my husband but at the moment, even after 10 months, I don’t feel up to it.
Our children and I talk about him too. We have so many happy memories and he was as great a father as he was a husband.
Ex-husband, indeed! What was she thinking? Perhaps she will understand if she is ever in this position. My bugbear is when people say ‘oh well, he had a good life’ as though that makes up for it. Yes, he was 81 but more like 50 in his ways and attitude and still far too young to die.
I hope you keep strong and manage to have as good a life as possible. We really have no other choice for the sake of the family.
Our two adult children are still living at home, it’s definitely helped to have them around.
In the first year, I threw myself into every activity going, I found it helped - as much as anything can - to keep busy so I’ve been relieved to see a gradual lifting of lockdown.
I think you’re absolutely right when you say the only people who understand are those who’ve been through this themselves … or come very close to it, like one of my friends.
Those who don’t know what to say or do and end up doing nothing at all, despite promises to the contrary, are my personal bugbear.
We’ll get through our loss because everything that we now learn to deal with, however small and however much we wish we didn’t have to, does make us stronger. My son has said many times that he’s be lost without me - it’s lovely of him but it works both ways.
Your cross stitch picture sounds like a lovely idea when you’re ready to try it.
Know that I understand and am thinking of you,
Thank you Jo. I hope it all works out for you too. Luckily, it seems that we both have good relationships with our family. Our daughters and their children have been amazing, especially our 18yr old granddaughter who fusses over me like a mother hen. She visits as often as she can (she’s busy as she is training to be a midwife) and always cooks for me when she comes. Thank heavens for them!
I shall be thinking of you too, and everyone suffering like we are.
I’m not often at a loss for words but I was on this occasion - one day, I’ll put this person straight though!
You’re right that life will never be the same for us again. I don’t think I fully understood that in the early days when I just wanted to feel better but how could I?
It’s true that you do get used to the idea of being on your own but like you, I still miss my husband enormously and I imagine I always will.
Thinking of you with love,