my mum died 2 days ago

my mum had breast cancer in 2004 and it came back again in 2017 in her spine and liver and bone marrow and she kept having to have blood transfusions every 4 weeks and was on tamoxifen and one minute we were talking and then she started to have a fit and died in hospital or in the ambulance were not sure yet

im still a bit in shock right now and it hasnt fully hit me yet and im worried about what will happen when it does hit me because i know it will hit me hard

today is not a good day ive got a lot of things going around in my head with no one at home to talk to and i cant talk to my dad because he drinks and says its harder for him than it is for me and is making out hes the only one suffering and im worried about the funeral already and i dont want to sleep because of having dreams about my mum and i cant believe ill never see or speak to her again and i cant get the image of her fitting and then going limp out of my head and i dont feel like it will get any better

I’m so sorry to hear such awful news. When it happens suddenly like that it’s traumatic. And it’s why you are in shock. Have you talked to your GP yet? I should at the first opportunity. Help is needed at this moment. It’s too early to talk about recovery. Far too early. Recovery is possible in time. You will never forget your mum, but time often deadens the pain.
Don’t tense up waiting for it to hit you. Let anything come at will. A day at a time and an hour at a time. Any emotions should be let out. Don’t bottle up emotions.
We are all here to help so read as much as you can mange.
Don’t judge yourself as you feel at the moment. The shock and trauma must be allowed to express themselves, it’s inevitable. Struggling to stop thinking is nigh impossible.
Your dad is no doubt in pain too. Drinking is his way to deaden the pain. Don’t be too hard on him. Understanding another’s pain is so difficult.
Come back and talk to us whenever you want. The people on here know just how you feel. Try and take it easy, well, as easy as you can. Blessings.