My Mum has been gone for 5 weeks now

Its been a couple weeks since I last posted here and its been just a day past 5 weeks since I lost my Mum. I finally had a couple of ok days where I didn’t cry all time and where when I thought about my mum, I smiled. Today I woke up, and it just feels like I’ve taken 10 steps back. I think its mainly because my own health has been pretty poor the past couple of months due to gallstone issues and whenever I wasn’t well, my mum would always be there to cheer me up, or make me a hot water bottle and watch films with me. I find myself crying for my mum a lot, and today is one of them days. I just find it so hard to believe that this hole I feel will ever go away. I mean I guess the best way I can put it is that I know one day I will see the sun shine again, but its never going to be as bright as it was when my Mum was here. Does anybody else ever feel the same?

I’m only 23 and I have so much life ahead of me and it just makes me angry that my Mum won’t get to share all the milestones with me… I want to make her proud and the fact that I won’t get to enjoy any more time with her breaks my heart every day. But it mostly breaks for her, I know she would have wanted to see her grandchildren grow up, me get married, move into my first home… She had already started buying me and my boyfriend stuff for when we move out and I just find it so incredibly hard to still believe she will never get to see this.

Is anybody else at the same stage as me or ever feel the same as me? Or does anybody who has lost their mum understand what I meant when I said I know the sun will shine again but it will never be as bright as it was when she was still here?

I know exactly what you mean. My mum died suddenly 6 weeks ago and like you I have days when I’m not so bad and then suddenly a day when it all hits me again. I’m not as young as you, but I don’t find it any easier. My mum was my best friend and we did so much together. I feel like the sun won’t ever shine the same, but I hope with time it will shine a little (just differently) I still have moments when it feels like I will see her baking away in the kitchen when I go to my Dads. I know she’s gone, but don’t really think it’s sunk in.
You’re not alone at all x

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Yes definitely I always knew I would lose my Mum but the sudden nature of it and the shock has made it so much harder… You’re right we always see our mums as so strong that they can’t possibly be unwell and its hard to see them so unwell. My mum was in a coma for a couple of days and I think she probably made her own mind up in the end and wanted to go peacefully which she did and that brings me comfort sometimes.
Thank you for your comment, brings comfort to know that things will get a bit easier.

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So sorry for the loss of your Mum, yeah no matter your age losing a mum is always going to be probably one of the worst griefs you can experience. I feel the same, I still live in my house that I grew up in and I catch myself some mornings going downstairs expecting her to be sitting at the table with a coffee like she did every morning but now it is just me and my dad in our house and it feels so empty. Mums are the hub of the family in most circumstances and to lose them is to lose a part of yourself i feel like. Hope you and your Dad and family are well, I know this Christmas will feel similar to you as it does to me… but My mum would want us to enjoy it as much as possible and I’m sure she will be there, as I am sure your Mum will be too x

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I have lost my mum 5 weeks ago and the pain is too much to bear. We were devoted and her passing was horrible

I think it’s a great idea to have the dog . Your parents would be very pleased about that . My mums funeral was tree he day before Christmas Eve which was heartbreaking. Like you I was 3 weeks arranging the funeral, which was beautiful and it wasn’t until after that I could start grieving.
Up until then I felt numb.
Let me know if Toynbee does any advice with the funeral. I didn’t have a clue until I needed to organise my mums xx