My Mum, my best friend

It’s been over a year since my Mum died. She was 83, but this makes no difference. I tell myself I was lucky to have had her in my life that long but it’s not working. It’s after 4am and I’m not sleeping. I miss her desperately. We talked every day, we shared the same daft quirky jokes. She made me feel loved without question, I miss that, I miss her. Tears are flowing as I write this, I need to feel that connection again but brutally she has gone. How do I cope? I feel adrift. I don’t feel like me at all.

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Hi Maggs, I don’t think you ever stop missing them and anniversaries make it worse, you learn to live with it, not happily, it becomes the new normal, have you thought about some counselling? Sending love Jude xx

Hi Jude, thanks for your response. You’re right it is the new normal but sometimes the force of not seeing or hearing her overwhelms me. I just have to deal with it. Maggs

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It’s hard to read this because I am so jealous that you had so many years to spend with your mum when mine are coming to a swift end. What I would give for an extra year, never mind for an extra 30. Hope you are okay.

Hello RJR, I am sorry that you are struggling.

I wrote this last night at a low ebb thinking I might get some compassion and comfort which would be welcome. I may have had extra years with my mum as you say, but my grief is the same.

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I’m just so jealous of everyone who has had so much more time. I just keep thinking, why?

Hi RJR,

I am genuinely sorry you are having such an awful time in truth there is no answer but you have to be thankful for any time with the people we love. I know you think I am lucky maybe I am but she was my Mum and I loved her I think she was a very special person.
I lost my Dad to early and it’s very hard. He had a long and protracted illness and you do wonder at the fairness of life. My advice to you is be with them as I am sure you are and if they are aware tell them how much you love them don’t leave things unsaid.
Sending hugs Maggs

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Thank you xxx

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Hi
Its been almost 2 years losing my dear mum, she was not only my mum but my best friend too, so I do know how you are feeling. I think of her day and night and sometimes I just want to be with her, I miss her so very much as I used to speak with her everyday, like yourself and we shared laughter too and its just not the same without her. Life is just so very unfair.
Some days I cope and some days I don’t and even though its been 2 years I still find it so very hard.
Have you got help and support with your family?

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Hi Magg

I completely agree with your post. I have never been the same person since I lost my mum 2 years and 8 months ago.

Age means nothing. I lost my dad when I was 27 and he was 53. The pain was awful but I got on with life and although it was a hard thing to go through I had a good career, lots of laughs and enjoyed life albeit dad was always missing.

But losing my mum when I was 48 and she was 74 has been the worse thing ever. I’ve lost count of people (including my sister) who have said ‘your mum wasn’t that young’

Oh my god. I thought, I assumed that I would have my mum till she was in her 90s.

It has changed me completely as I’m sure it has you.

Cheryl

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Hi Cheryl

I know what you mean I lost my dad when I was 16 and he was only 51, we all felt lost without him but with the strength of our dear mum who nursed him for 5 years we got through it all.

Yes I was also just 48 when I lost my dear mum, she was only 76 when she passed away in 2020.

Our mum was our rock since our dad passed away and I honestly thought the same that our mum would live in her 90s and that she would be with us for a good many years.

Lottie

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Hi Lottie

What a similar story. My mum also got us through the loss of our dad. She cared for my sisters children and then my daughter and although dad was always in the background, life was good again.

Losing my mum, I have lost me and I still can’t believe it.

I’ve just turned 51 and I feel like a child again.

How are you x

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Hi lottie,

Thank you for your response, it’s helpful to know I’m not going mad, that you and Cheryl also are struggling, I never expected it be easy but sometimes the grief feels very raw and overwhelming. Also like you I feel like a child again.
I Truly thank you both for your comments.
I do have family though and they are very good to me but there comes a time ie after the year I felt I should somehow manage.
I send you both hugs in our shared grief

Hi Cheryl,
I posted a thank you to Lottie for responding but I wanting to thank you personally as well. It’s true what you say there is comments about age, which is so not relevant. Your Mum is your anchor no matter her age. I am thinking of you and Lottie. Take care x
Maggs

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Thankyou Magg1.

We will get there xx

Hi Cheryl sorry I’m new to this joined about 10 mins ago doctor shared it with me I’m going threw the loss of my mum best friend and I’m really struggling
Kim

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Hi Kim

I’m sorry to hear that. I’m 2 years and 8 months in.

It’s life changing but it does get better from the rawness of the early days, I promise

Cheryl.

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Hi

Oh my yes it is so weird how your story is so very similar also.

Yes I know what you mean my mum was my best friend too, after 2 years I still can’t believe she isnt’ here anymore.

I still find it very hard, some days i’m ok and then some days I’m not so good and I still think of the times my mum was in hospital and life is so very cruel what she had to go through.

How are you?

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Hi Kim,

I’m so sorry that this has happened to you. Our Mums were our best friends so we do understand.
I presume this is recent. The early days are very hard to deal with, many emotions to deal with. It is just a year since my Mum died, that raw pain has ebbed but the loss cuts deep.
Thinking of you.
Maggs

My mum passed away aug it’s almost 7 months and feels like yesterday I’m really struggling