My mum’s grief since my dad died

My dad died in late 2020. I miss him terribly but I feel I’m coping. My mum is really struggling though. She cries often and has no real desire to see friends or family but she’s also lonely. I feel she is depressed and maybe has complex grief. I’ve suggested she speak with her GP but she says there’s nothing they can do. It does bring me down too when I speak with her. I worry too that I’m passing a lot of this onto my partner as I talk about her a lot as she worries me. I also feel frustrated with her that she isn’t seeking help but uses me as a surrogate counsellor without considering I have my own grief which I manage, but it’s still there. I’d appreciate any suggestions.


Hello @Lisajoli, thank you for reaching out. I’m so sorry that you have lost your dad and that your mum has lost her husband.

It can be really tough supporting a loved one through grief when grieving ourselves.
You might want to look at our Supporting someone through grief support pages. It sounds like you’ve given a lot of support to your mum, but that she may benefit from some extra support which she may not be quite ready to think about just now.

You mention that this is getting you down. It’s important to look after your own emotional wellbeing, too. The NHS has some self-care guides which might be helpful to explore. We also have a Grief Guide - it sounds like you are managing as you say, but that you are grieving too. It can walk you through some of what you might be feeling right now.

Hopefully someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share these resources with you in case they could be helpful.

Please do keep reaching out and take good care,