I lost my mum in January and im struggling to accept it so much im not the same person anymore i use to be so out going and bubbly now i find it so hard to communicate with anyone i know my mam wouldnt want me like this but the reality of it is soul breaking i lost my world went she went and some of me went with her i so hope in time i can get some of me back and make my mam proud but at the moment i just live day by day and talk to her every day wishing i could hear her voice one more time 
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Hi @Coz1
Thank you so much for sharing this with the community 
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.
Take good care,
Alex
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Hi Coz1
I hear you, I lost my caregiver in February after caring for her for the majority of my adult life. To suddenly not do the things you are used to doing like ‘ill just pop round’ or ‘ill give her a call’ is the the most indescribable feeling. It’s ok that you are still feeling this way.
I can resonate with the feeling different to your normal self. I have spent more often than not, barely being able to manage to go to work, although I still did, barely having any energy to get out of bed, to speak to friend friends or be present in my relationship. I’ve had hardly any energy to sort out her affairs etc. and lots of other life stuff happening in between. It sounds like you don’t feel your usual self anymore and wondering if you will ever come back.
You will one day Coz. For me it was the last caregiver I had left, I experienced this before when I was quite young and I know that as hard as it is right now, I learnt to rebuild myself and my life, albeit for me personally it was different from before, but it all takes time and the hurt you feel from your mums passing will start to feel less raw and it will start to allow you to miss her and remember fond memories. I still speak to my first caregiver every now and then even though they passed away nearly 20 years ago. I’m not ready to speak to the last one because It makes it feel too real.
Be kind to yourself, there is no time limit to grief, and no particular way to do it. Be as you need to be.
You aren’t alone 
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Thankyou for your kind message it means alot that someone understands me
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You’re welcome Coz. Bereavement is a lonely feeling, people tend to expect you to just get up and get on with it. It’s not that easy!
Even people who seem functional are most likely not deep down. You need to experience your grief in your own way at your own pace.
I wish I could have a break right now and curl up into a ball, but I got to finish my working day which is really hard.
Keep reaching out if you feel alone
I felt so alone last night it was unreal i dont no how people carry on with life i feel like a completely different person now i miss her so much
Sorry to jump in to your conversation but I see my future self in you. My mum died a week ago so it is still very early days but I already know there was life before and life after. I’ve been in pre grief for a while, fearing we would lose her but I also still
lived in hope. Now there is no hope and the worst has happened. I just don’t know how I will do life without her. We were incredibly close. The thought of these lonely days rolling into weeks, months and years with her not here just feels unbearable.
Hi its the most unbearable pain ever its been 8 months since my mum passed away and i literally cant come to terms i cry every night so wishing her back but deep down i no its the impossible dont think i will ever be whole again
I feel the same. I’m in my early 40s and the thought of maybe having another 30/40 years without her is so painful. I have my own children I know I need to be my best for, but I feel a part of me is now missing.
Thats just how i feel ive got children and grandchildren but nothing seems to ease the pain