Sadly I just lost my mum last week. Her passing at home was as peaceful as I could have hoped and a few friends and my brother and dad were here.
I won’t pretend it was nothing short of traumatic and mum looking into my eyes but not speaking was as peaceful as I’d hoped. I felt let down by many in the health services and has left me feeling extremely sad. I would get very emotional looking after my parents, mum declined so much and quickly but I was no expert and got frustrated and there were arguments etc, more me frustrated with my brother not helping and leaving everything around my parents care to me.
Mum was 86 and I’m 60 with my own health issues which never helped.
I said some bad things I can’t take back and even though I know mum forgives me but I wish I could have been more patient and understanding.
I am devastated and now arranging mums funeral in great pain.
My dad now needs me and sadly I lost my Sister 15 years ago who was my rock and for the family but her death which was traumatic was so hard on us all but especially my parents.
Thank you for bravely reaching out. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. You are not alone. I’m not sure if you’ve seen our Losing a parent category. But there you can connect with other members who are living with grief after losing a parent.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support to you. In the meantime, you might find these Sue Ryder resources helpful to read.
Our Losing a parent page talks through some of the emotions you may be experiencing
Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
I try every day to do something but every day I get so upset at the things I said, the arguments and why I didn’t just step away instead of having to have the last word
My mum meant the world and I can’t apologise like I did when she was here.
I want to believe my Sister took mum to heaven and I pray and pray.
Try not to blame yourself. I felt the same when I lost Mum in October. I try not to think about the times that Mum and I argued. I am heartbroken at losing my Mum but I remind myself that she only ever wanted me to be happy. When I told my partner about how I had said some things that had upset her, he reminded me that I am only human and she had said some nasty things to me. I remember my Mum saying that we don’t mean it. I found it consoling that I am human and know my Mum knew that I loved her. I guess we can end up focusing on the negative things, the ‘what ifs’ and lose sight of the whole picture of the love we shared and showed to each other. Be kind to yourself.
Yes, focus on the good which does as we know outweigh the times that it wasn’t easy. My mum knew too how much it was to juggle life and care, council, social services and everything else.
Yes, we are only human and dealing with so much. Our Mum’s will always be our Mum’s.
