Hi we lost mum 4 weeks ago today and her funeral was last Tuesday… she was quiet frail at 83 and had afew strokes and the dementia set in, last October she started saying her throat was sore, she had afew tests at hospital and everything came back negative, anyway the throat got worse so more tests in early March revealed she had a massive tumour in her throat that was very aggressive growing fast, her tongue started to become paralysed and understanding what she was saying was really difficult, she couldn’t eat or drink she collapsed ended up in hospital on end of life care, we stayed with her as much as we could it was so draining, we all took it in turns sitting with her, talking to her, playing music in the hospital we got given a side room to have more privacy… me and my daughter went to pick my granddaughter up from school we was only gone 30 mins and she died with my 16 year old son holding her hand telling her he loved her so much , this is just awful, my son is struggling I have her constantly in my head, I can’t cope with this pain no more I’m feeling very low no energy just nothing I have anxiety and depression and I must admit I’ve had afew bottles of wine which not helping I feel so down 
Hello, sorry for the terrible loss of your Mum. You must be devastated and feeling so many different emotions. Be kind to yourself as this is a long hard journey that you’re on. It’s understandable to be all over the place emotionally as you try to process this loss. I lost my Mum 4 months ago and I am still coming to terms with her absence. Grief can be very lonely and I have found it useful to read the posts in this forum as you realise there are others going through similar experiences. Try not to expect too much of yourself, get through these early raw days as best you can. Take care xx
Thank you for your reply, I’ve been reading a lot of the posts on here today, it just makes you feel so sick never felt pain like this the cancer was so rapid and she deteriorated really fast from Early march when we found out to 3rd May when she died is just unbelievable
Yes, so terrifyingly quick, such a shock. The physical side of grief is awful isn’t it? Waking in the night, terrible dreams, just feeling so sick with sadness. Four months on and I wouldn’t say I am physically okay. I function and some days are better than others. I have to maintain a semblance of normality as I have a teenage son living in the house. I hope you have found reading through the forum helpful. Take care xx