I lost my mum 2 years 11 months ago & it still hurts every day
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.
Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Hi Jenna, it’s heartbreaking to know that the loss of our mum doesn’t really get much easier with time. I lost my mum 13 weeks ago.
A positive for me is that the memories and love never fade, and can never be taken, time just changes us, and life changes us.
Sending you heartfelt support
I lost my Mum 2 years and 20 days ago and I still miss her every minute of every day. So sorry for your losses.
Sorry for your loss, I lost my mum 5weeks ago but it feels like yesterday nothing will never be the same again I’ll never be the person I once was, I feel guilty if I laugh at something normally it’s when I’m thinking of something my mum did or said Christmas is going to be a tough one, I’m waiting for my GP referral for counselling but have found talking on here this past week has helped a little, but as soon as I bump into someone and they ask how I am I’m in tears havnt stopped crying since the day she left my heart aches just to hug her again and even more so knowing I’m never going to again xx
I am so sorry to hear of your loss, 5 weeks, it goes so quickly, my mum passed 14 weeks ago. Nothing can prepare you for losing your mum and I hope that you get benefit from this site with people who are experiencing a similar loss.
I’m dreading Christmas, every day is a struggle to get through.
Sending love and here if you want to talk about anything
I’m so sorry for you both. It really is the most horrible club to be a part of. There’s nothing I can say to make you feel better, I wish I could. I’m not the person I was before either, you can’t be as you’ve never been without her. A part of my soul went with her that day so I do feel very different. You must do whatever it takes to get yourself through Xmas and whatever is right for you. Everyone is different so don’t feel pressure from anyone. What the hell, let them judge you if that’s what they want to do. One day at a time and if that’s too much then half a day at a time. If that’s too much then hour by hour. It takes a lot of energy to grieve so you’ll probably feel sapped most of the time. Take care, your Mums would want to be looking after yourselves as best you can x
No one is judging me just asking how I’m doing having concerns for me it’s just me as soon as I try to open my mouth I’m a blubbering mess, had an appointment at the hospital today and as soon as nurse asked me a question I burst out crying.
I’m so greatfull to have found this group I find it easier in a message than physically talking, sometimes I’m in tears just messaging but at least no one can see me.
Oh goodness I lost my Mum in March and know that they will never be a day I’ll ever be truly okay ever again.
I will miss my mum till my heart stops beating! So I understand completely x
Thank you @Sal46
Your words resonate so much and you brought a smile to my face with the whit a club to be in. This site, complete strangers, sharing their worst feelings of emotion, with genuine compassion honestly makes me feel like I’m not alone so thank you all for your kind responses and support
Sending love to you all
Big hugs Jenna, I am so sorry xx I just lost mine too.
Oh Lucy, I feel you, I lost my Mum around the same time. You can talk to me too. I am in New Zealand, and had been in Sheffield for the last few months to be with my Mum. It was shocking to see but beautiful to have the love and bonds of my family. Now I am back in New Zealand where I live, feeling like I shouldn’t be here. It feels like no one cares, although they do, and that life in the UK is parked.
I send you lots of love xxxx
Thats how i feel
You’re definitely not alone. I can’t believe how many people on this site are grieving, it’s heart breaking.
@Jess1 I hope you don’t mind me saying but I’ve read some of your posts and I just wanted to say how truly sorry I am for the loss of your lovely Mum. She was so young and it was so sudden bless you. I’ve always wanted to reach out to you and send heartfelt hugs but didn’t want you to think me weird! Your posts on signs and mediumship resonate with me as I’ve had experiences of both myself. How are you feeling about your first Xmas? Mine was suddenly there so I didn’t have a chance to brace myself but it was actually ok. Obviously unnatural but I got through it. Condolences to you all on this dreadful journey. X
@CaronP My Mum was a Kiwi x
Arh thank you that’s lovely, please don’t think you’d come across as weird, you can message me anytime!
And xmas I’m really struggling with, it’s just never going to be the same again. My Grandma (mums mum) wasn’t going to bother this year but she decided to do it as my Mum loved xmas!
I once stayed over at my grans one xmas and my Mum woke me up at 5am and I went mad, I think about that often and wish I didn’t go mad now and went down to celebrate with her
I’d be interested to know about your experiences, I love hearing about things like this!
Thanks so much for replying.
I’d be exactly the same, as you’d give anything now to be woken at 5am on any day of the week by her! I find it amazing how literally everything goes under the microscope, every conversation, every row, everything. I did that a lot in the beginning, especially in the first year. I kept doing the “this time last year” as to what we would be doing and wishing I could go back in time to that day. That’s so lovely that your Grandma has had a change of heart Your Mum will be thrilled I’m sure, especially if she loved it. She’d be so sad to see you both so sad on a day she loved. I light a candle for mine, it’s one of hers she was saving for best!
I’ve had a lot of signs from my Dad over the years. He died suddenly when I was 24 so although I don’t know how you feel, I do totally get the sudden loss of a parent. Nothing in life can prepare you for that, it’s so brutal. But losing a Mum is something else. Not any worse as such, just different.
My Dad was my guiding light in life whereas my Mum was my cheerleader. If ever I have had a problem in my life or I’m at a cross roads, he’ll come to me in my dreams and give me the answer or point me in the right direction. It’s not all the time, quite rarely in fact but I can wake up and just know the direction I’m going in. I get the sense he’s been around if you know what I mean, that I’ve been in his presence.
Eight years after he died, he came through at a theatre full of people when a well known medium was touring the UK, it was one of the best moments of my life especially as I wasn’t meant to go to that evening (the ticket was originally for someone else) and my Dad was such a quiet, shy person…not one to talk in front of hundreds of people. I felt so much lighter after that. The things she said, oh boy!
With my Mum, immediately after she died I had this overwhelming sense to know if she was okay. I just needed to know she was alright, I was so worried about her. The undertakers I used for her funeral were wonderful to me, they included me in the dressing of her coffin. They let me line her coffin, pop the handles on it and put the final nail in! They taught me not to be scared to see her, that she was my Mum and there was nothing to be scared of. When I was having a cup of tea with my Mum and twirling her hair for the last time (not for everyone I know!) they said, ask her for a sign to let you know she’s okay…so I did. Long story short, she had a friend called Sue who passed away after a very short illness in 2014. They were neighbours and so if at any time she said she was with Sue, I knew instantly she was okay and I would relax. Fast forward to me clearing her things from her home and I came across Sue’s Order of Service for her funeral and she’d only died on the same day as my Mum! Albeit 7 years later but to me that meant she was with Sue and so she was okay.
I have so many…I was upset not to have a birthday present from her for my first birthday without her. I went to get something out of a drawer I hardly ever go in and it got stuck. Eventually it became unstuck and a voucher she had given me for a previous birthday was the culprit of the sticking drawer. I had forgotten about it and put it in there. She had written in it too, saying Happy Birthday, I’ll love you forever Mum.
The night before the scattering of her ashes, I asked her to play with the lights in the kitchen for yes and no as I wanted to know if she was happy with the plans the next day. She did and she said yes. My husband was with me and he still can’t get over that.
I went to a development circle in my local church for a number of years and I’ve had a few messages for other people in the circle that they felt they could take but unfortunately, it became a little too stagnant. I felt the lady leading it needed to make it more interesting and so I stopped going. I saw my Grandma on Xmas Eve not long after she died when I was 10. It was in a tea shop so was completely out of the ordinary in that wasn’t standing at the end of my bed so to speak, so I guess I lost whatever it was, or what I had, when I grew up. They say children can see and hear all sorts. I felt I really had to work at it in the circle and I really wanted it to come naturally, like it does for others, but eventually I realised it wasn’t going to. I would love it to come naturally to me and be able to speak to my Mum. I have a very good friend that I used to go to the circle with and she still goes. She keeps asking me to go back but I think if my Mum doesn’t come through then I’d be devastated. Her of all people would if you know what I mean, she wouldn’t hold back.
The key I have found is finding someone you can talk to about your thoughts, signs and feelings on the mediumship side of things. I have my friend and we regularly swap stories on strange encounters that have happened to us and we understand one another but I couldn’t talk to anyone else about it. I’m never sure what other people’s feelings or beliefs are.
So sorry for the war and peace! I have sooo many more but I had better stop there! x
Yet another night with no sleep and waking up to another day of not wanting to be here, but I am and it’s getting harder to feel any motivation it’s like I’ve just switched off inside to everyone and everything around me I just don’t care anymore I just wish I could have one more moment with my mum.
I really felt every word you said. Switching off is exactly what you do, you feel nothing and so numb don’t you. Like you’re just existing and the one and only thing that would fix it would be seeing her. In the early days and weeks, I would make myself go out for a walk. It wasn’t a magic cure obviously but it gave me the break I needed from myself if that makes any sense and also stopped me staring at the wall. I know your energy levels will be next to nothing right now but even just 10 mins by yourself and then make your favourite hot drink when you get home. Baby steps…tiny steps. Big hugs and here to listen x
I feel exactly the same and haven’t slept for the past 2 nights. Mondays absolutely destroy me as it was the early hours of a Monday morning mum passed.
I hope you have managed to get through the day and we go again tomorrow l.
Sending lots of love your way x