My pain

Hello I am new to this sight & discovered it through Cruse on line. I have experienced so many emotions since my darling husband passed away on 4/4/2020. His passing through C19 was traumatic as 2 days before receiving “end of life care” he had telephoned me to say he had a bad lung infection & after 7 day treatment would be home . He was only in hospital for 4 days. I struggle that I was not with him & able to touch his hand & tell him how much I loved him. This pain has become unbearable.

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Hi Alison, it is very painful when your parent dies and you were not able to be there at the hospital. I am sure he knew you loved him, but you obviously wanted to be there to tell him it again, and that is sad. At this site you will find many people who have experienced the pain you’re experiencing, so you will get a lot of help here.

Hello Abdullah- thank you for your kind words. It was my husband not a parent that died. Sad to see so much pain on this site so important that we can share our emotions.

Hello Alison, I’m so sorry for the loss of your lovely husband and I understand the trauma of not being able to say your goodbyes and to tell him how much you loved him. My wife collapsed at home and died in hospital eight hours later. I was grateful to be allowed to spend the last five hours at her bedside but because she was never conscious I was not able say goodbye or tell her how much I loved her. It would have been so much worse if couldn’t be with her. So with your situation I understand why the pain is so unbearable.
Please continue to share your emotions and my thoughts are with you. xx AL

Thank you so much for your kind words. When did your wife pass. Andy , my husband always called me Al as do my close friends so seeing your post as AL felt weird but in a comforting way. Thankyou

I am Al, but on here I use AL which should really be A&L as my wife’s name is Lorna. She passed 13 weeks ago on the 1st May from a massive brain bleed. She was fit and healthy with no medical history so it really was a bolt out of the blue and very hard to understand. I am finding as time goes on it is becoming more difficult to cope which I’m quite sure you understand.
Your situation with Covid was obviously more traumatic and you will have more questions than answers which will take you longer to come to terms with. We will all come through this grief eventually, in the meantime try to stay strong if you can. AL x

Hi Alison, so sorry to accidentally say your father, hope you’re ok.

Hi Abdullah - don’t worry
Thank you

Hello Alison.I’m new here and browsing through the site found your post. Although my husband didn’t have Covid I hadn’t been able to see him for three weeks before he died. I so understand your longing to have been with your husband when he passed away Although people tell us it wasn’t our fault I still feel I let my husband down after sharing our life for 52 years I just pray he understands. Sending love and understanding.

Hi Alison, my husband too was admitted to hospital into intensive care in April with Covid 19.
The last time I saw him alive and talking he was in the ambulance.
10 days later I was allowed to be with him for the last hour of his life before the ventilator was switched off.
This vision is constantly with me and just won’t go away.
I don’t very often post on this site, but I do read other postings of how everyone deals with their grief.
So sorry about your husband, keep visiting the site, it has been of great help and comfort to me.
Take care,

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Hi Judi & Sue
Thank you for your messages. I look at the site most days although I don’t post that much. Sometimes it’s just too difficult/painful to find words that get anywhere near describing my feelings. I’m sure we all feel that way. Grief is so exhausting isn’t it. Alison x