Looking for advice.
My partner’s father passed away almost 5 years ago, I never met him as we wasn’t together then but has told me a little bit about him.
My partner has told me she never grieved for her father when he passed as she wanted to be strong for everyone else and I’m starting to think it’s affecting her.
She don’t sleep well at night but has atleast 3 hours during the day every other day, she scares me with her screaming during the night too.
I’ve never lost anyone close so in trying to understand, but personally I feel she has never come to terms with the loss of her father.
Can loosing someone close still have a effect after almost 5 years ?
Any advice would be welcome.
Hi. Richp. Welcome. The answer to your last question is ‘yes it can’. There is no time limit on grief. Five years or fifty we can still feel grief. It’s pretty apparent that your partner never grieved properly when she lost her dad. Grieving is a process we need to go through. It’s Nature’s way of relieving the pain and stress just a little. If we think we are ‘strong’ and bottle up emotions they will surely come out in some other way. This can sometimes take many years, but it’s almost certain to happen. It’s like putting an air tight lid on a boiling saucepan. It will stop the steam but blow it’s top eventually.
You obviously love your partner very much or you would not be on here asking. Advice is difficult without knowing the person. A visit to her GP may help, or some bereavement counselling. But love is the real antidote. Give her support and hold her hand when she feels bad. She will need your love and support for a while. Encourage her grieving process, and try not to live as if it’s not there.
Get her to talk about her dad. What memories she has of him. What times they had together. I think she does need professional advice if she screams in the night and suffers from insomnia. Kindness, love and understanding are also needed, and that 's where you come in. I am so sorry you are having to face this difficult situation.
Best wishes. And take care of yourself too. John.