My mum has been living wiv me for about 10 years.my mum and dad lived in Spain then had to sell up and cum back here.anyway got a flat but my mum stayed wiv me everyday.she helped me out loads as I was working all day but gradually never wanted to go back to dad at weekends. Anyway lost my dad a year and a half ago.i had to sort funeral clear his flat out also take him to hospital 4 last 6 months he was here do his dinners cum home and do my kids dinner. My mum by then couldn’t walk or do anything as got bad cold.so I’m her full time carer.shes got a commode.i still avvto work and do everything she will not even make a fone call.i had my brother live with me for just over a year ago as he lost his partner kids house and job as went off the rails wiv drink since our dad died.my bro collapsed in my kitchen vomiting up huge amounts of blood and died on 6th May this year.im going away to Cornwall this week and my mums refusing a carer to cum in anyway was crying while cooking dinner and said I’m such a burden to u I said no its not that just hate my life rite now and she said don’t worry I won’t be here for much longer I said please don’t put that on me as well just feel I haven’t had a life for a long time and she’s so bitter wiv horrible comments all the time I just don’t want to be here anymore can anybody give any advice please luv Jo xxx
Hi @Jokerdave47, thanks for sharing - I’m so sorry about the loss of your dad and brother; it sounds like you’re coping with so much.
I’m just wondering if you’ve got any support as a carer? I found this site Carers in Hertfordshire which may be able to help.
I hope you have a lovely time in Cornwall - your wellbeing is important too.
Totally agree with previous writer. Even ‘official’ carer groups recognise that the carer need care too. Please do as prev writer says and try to contact yr local Carers Department … and persist. Don’t be put off if they don’t anawer phone immediately, leave yr number w them? They do have a duty of care too and hopefully help you w some advice and help. Try to get a good night’s sleep, when you are refreshed, you will feel stronger and more able to launch into this.
I have been jn a similar position to you but not as bad. Warm wishes.
Thank you everyone I’m going to Cornwall 2moz for a week wen I got home from work went to chemist to pic up my meds and my mums it wasn’t there popper over docs and she said she will get it signed by doc and will b there in about an hour this was 5pm I went back at 6 still not there went back to docs and got it signed at 25 min past 6 the chemist shuts at half past 6 I’ve just done dinner put bins out gotta av a bath hairwash clear kitchen do sandwiches 4 mum 4 next 2 days then pack I feel quite resentful which is horrible I was meant to spend 2nite wiv my boyfriend and leave early 2moz so that’s not happening just feel overwhelmed by the amount I av to do all the time and as I’m a painter and decorator it’s a very physical job so knackered and it’s not fair why is my life always looking after everyone else I’ve ad enough it’s been too much for years not the life I chose but no one else is gonna do it.at least I avnt got to do that 4 a week luv Jo xxxx
I did this too. shockingly, now that my mom and dad are dead, I would be happy to do it all over again.
it is a trial. I hired help. but now that my life is empty without my mom and dad, I would rather have those responsibilities than the void I exist in, now.
I even kept a diary about it.
I read it…and what I would not give to go back to those days, as frantic as I was to get out of there.
I am just saying … it is hard. but enjoy it as you can because one day you will wish for it back, and it will have left you forever.
Do doctor & chemist have a scheme to deliver meds? Worth looking into.
When my parents were ill, their meds were delivered in a sealed pack with individual days of the week.
G. X
I have tried this but have to let them no a week b4 and my mum only tells me 2 late and I’m a mess not organised at all as just barely hanging on as it’s only me that does everything my mum will not even make a fone call all me work all day do dinner washing cleaning just absolutely everything luv Jo xxxx
Ive been where you are.
My mum had a knack of making me feel extremely guilty, inadequate as a daughter.
She was physically able, self caring but wanted more.
In the end I was honest with her, I told her I was doing all I could do with the best of my ability.
You have to remember you have a life, family and responsibilities and most of all look after you. If anything happens to you, then what?
I was brutally honest with my mum I continued to support her, in anyway but I refused to let guilt eat me up.
Perhaps mum needs a place of her own, speakto social sevices get some respite for her.
Please look after yourself
I agree here. You need to have boundaries. Got your own preservation more than anything. It sounds like everyone else makes decisions about your life except you. Everyone’s rock but be careful rocks can have cracks and fall Apart. I say this gently to you. Your mom just decided to stay- don’t let one life gobble another. Set a few clear lines of you can. It will be worth it I promise.