My son aged 26 died 15/09/16 I can't cope

Hello, I’m new
My son died just 2 weeks ago at age 26 sudden from a brain aneurysm, 3 operations could not save him, I did not have time to get to him, he was on a dream holiday in disney, I feel so guilty, and I can’t do this. My whole family have been so. Supportive as well as coping with their own grief, but it feels like physical pain I just can’t cope with xxxx

Hi Joesmum
I’m so so sorry for the loss of your son I can’t even begin to go near the pain of losing a child but I can relate to the physical pain you feel and that it’s just too much to cope with I feel that pain also. I lost my mum to cancer in may this year she was only told of illness in feb this year. I nursed her throughout . We lived together and were peas in a pod our bond was so very strong could not get stronger . She really suffered and got so so thin . Seeing the person you
Ove most in the world deteriote everyday is just heartbreaking gutting no words do it justice. When she was diagonoised I said to her mum I would take it from you and me have it if I could so you don’t have to suffer. My world changed forever that day and when she passed my world ended. I miss her painfully it’s such a strong pain and awful feeling that words don’t do it justice. We are both now living in a world we didn’t want or choose and life can be so very cruel and unfair!!!.
I’m glad you have support from family that is really needed at the times and beyond. I don’t have that so very much alone and I get very scared and vunerable the world is so empty now and low. I don’t regonize it and don’t want to be part of it. Like you put just how do we cope with pain ?? I hope I’ve not made you feel worse just wanted to let you know you are being thought of and not alone. My mum lost a daughter of 33 to leukemia and I saw how she suffered with losing a child it was heartbreaking .
I’m sending you my love and hugs
Love from Tray xx

Thankyou so much for your reply and I’m really sad for you on your mums loss, it must be so hard re your support. I know without this I wouldn’t even had lasted this 2 weeks
Do you write and talk to your mum? I am finding I do this every day all the time xx
The physical pain scares me, but then I think maybe it can take me to wherever he is xx

Hi Joes mum
Nice to hear from you .yes without support it is really difficult I really wish I had that family support it would of been of comfort. I do talk to my mum and every night kiss the necklace round my neck we both had the same peas in a pod necklace. I brought them for her this yr as a mothers day gift. Maybe writing would be a good idea to do. But when I’m alone and even just thinking about her sat alone it sends my mind to messy so sad places and I don’t know how to handle them that awful physical pain we both speak of goes into overdrive and like you say its really scary. It makes me feel so panicky and vunerable. I ve rang helplines a few times for when felt so bad. I’m awaiting a call from the crisis team they are due to vist before 3pm 2day. How do you keep going in the day? Hope you don’t mind me asking do you have other children? I know you say you have family support.
I think when you put the pain can take you to wherever he is is quite true as it made me think this pain we have is a sign of how much we loved them and now miss them. They are always with us but we just want them back beside us don’t we. The pain can be so overwhelming and unbearable. I’m so glad you have good family support.
I’m thinking of you and if you ever wana chat I’m here.
Big hug sent xx tray xx

Oh tray, I hope the crisis team helped you today, life is so unfair xx my family tell me my joe was too good for here and I take a little comfort in that too, I hope you can too. Every day is a hurdle we both have to face somehow , I do have another son just 14 months between them, he is a strong boy but he has has lost his best friend, he has a little boy, so I have a beautiful grandson, but still this does not help in the deep hole of grief x
He has been suggested that he has a brain Scan as his brother was so young to die without warning, but he says he would not want to know he had a ticking it bomb x
I , like you did with your mum, live my life only because of my boys , I have a wonderful husband but he has dementia , wonderful parents and sister xx

Hi Joes mum,
The crisis team didn’t stay for long and seeing them again 2mrow with my cpn as im being discharged from crisis team even though I’m the same?? But there is so many people that need them . So will just have numbers to ring if feel desperate and cpn and gp… I’m glad yr other son and family are supportive. That must make such a difference and comfort but it still don’t take the reality and pain!! The mornings are awful that first waking up. Do you get that in the morning? Every day seems like a battle. Did take my pup to puppy class tonight but find it hard to take anything in and I feel like I’m acting just to get through it but inside I’m just so loe scared and crying.
Feel like I’m on some cruel test.
How has yr day been? Is there anything that helps you ?
Sending you love and hugs xxtray xx

Morning tray, yep totally agree the mornings and last thing at night hit like a brick, I’m on day 20 today and I still have no understanding of how I am going to do this x I know I have to for others but I would give anything to be by his side xxx
Hoping you have a better day xx

Hello Joe’s mum, I lost my lovely only son, David on the 4th August and it is so hard to accept it. I fell apart two days ago after opening a packet of Weetabix he loved and left behind. I don’t enjoy sitting on my own as my thoughts are going to I could have done more and what I didn’t do. I am having counselling from Cruse which I find difficult after the counsellor leaves. I believe there is a group called The Compassionate Friends who support parents who have lost a child.
I can understand how you feel Joe’s mum, its like mine, yours and everyone eho has lost a child. My heart feels broken and believe we all feel the loss. Take care and my love goes with this message.
Jan x

Thankyou Jan
I have found that group and you are right everyone has lost a child there
The pain is like no other like you describe
I am so sorry you have this loss to
Day by day seems to be getting worse
31 days today x

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