My son isn’t his son

First post. Please help and be kind. My partner lost his 24 year old son 2 years ago. We have battled to stay together . His wife is helping him to come to terms with his death, I can’t given I wasn’t his mum. My 24 year old son still lives here. My partner is starting to resent him now. Things like there’s two of us in this relationship now now 3 (I brought my son up since he was 6 weeks) he will also come first . My partner is leaving next week. I’m having private councillors to help with my jealous and nasty thoughts towards his wife because I’ve felt isolated and not included in J’s funeral and birthdays etc. It’s like my partner T has two lives, one with his sons mum, one with me. I’ve supported him for 17 months. He (nor I) will ever forget him but T seems to not want to move on and even engaging with my son he sees as a betrayal to his son who is no longer here. T’s life has stopped, he’s dead inside I see it and understand that but I love him so much and have pushed him away for a year because I wrongly believed he wanted his wife back. He assured me he doesn’t. It’s caused me to breakdown but hurt that he’s walking out of me when I need most help. I’ve juggled supporting Tim, my son, working full time and both my parents being given cancer diagnosis. Please help my house is a shrine . I cope with it fine but need him to come back to me and love me again . Please be kind it’s my first post . I’m ashamed I’ve been nasty towards him. I tried talking to him but dismissed as being sick and paranoid when I told him how I was feeling towards his wife . He protects her more than me. I’m heartbroken

Hi Claire, Wow, you have been through so much in the last 2 years. My loss is very different, (even though its still a devastating loss), whereas you’ve had so many plates to spin, all at once. You have explained how u feel very well and I can certainly understand where you’re coming from. It so hard dealing with loss, never mind all the people and emotions you’re trying to deal with, help, support and understand. I can’t give advice on your situation, but I can honestly say this. I definitely think you’re being so hard on yourself. You’re trying to make sure everyone is OK and that ur giving everyone ur help and love. But I think u need to take care of urself too., u seem to me a very strong woman who is doing her absolute best to keep her family together. Never apologise for that. Hope u feel better soon. X

Thanks for that . I’m weak and vulnerable right now but I just can’t take his grief obsessional behaviour right now . You know I’m laid on a garden lounger in the spare room so he can have the bed. He just doesn’t have the headspace right now to support me and find that so very sad . It’s tragic . He will find his peace , when I do nt know . I just can’t be part of it anymore. Thank you again for taking time to reply x

Awe Claire. I genuinely feel for u. All u can do is ur best, there’s only one of u and u can only do so much. Its an eye opener for me, I m struggling, even though I have people around me for support, although mostly it’s me doing the supporting, I have people. U need to have someone u can talk to who is there for u, and only u. Cause it s hard without all the extra stresses. X

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