I didn’t lose my son, I found him dead. To lose him sounds like you wish for him to be found. It wasn’t him, just a shell-his body. What I have lost is the essence of him, part of me is gone, his smile, the way he flicked his hair from his face, silly jokes, his love of music, playing, writing songs. I know where his remains are. That was the hardest part, and it still is difficult. Talking about Jay is hard, it is exhausting, why is that?
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I think it is the most horrendous shock. It is utter disbelief and you cannot comprehend what has happened.
My eldest son was found passed away at his home by a friend. He was 40.
This was in November, I know he’s not here anymore but I still have moments where I actually can’t believe it has happened.
I know what you mean when you say part of you is gone, I said that part of me died with him.
Sometimes I can talk about Ben, sometimes I get all shaky and I can’t. The memories flood my head every single day, I can’t always cope with that and I have to stop myself and try to think about something different to cope. I don’t know if that will ever change.
I have some good friends but I don’t think anyone properly understands unless it’s another parent. As a mum of 4, I also want to help my other son’s, they have lost their brother. Grief is difficult, it’s horrible and it hurts.
How old was Jay ? Do you have supportive family / friends around you ?
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I also don’t use the terms “lost” - we prefer to simply say that Niamh died suddenly in her own home in bed - undiagnosed enlarged heart.
Her pure energy, joy and kindness - not to mention her passion for rigorously challenging anyone and anybody who treated others unfairly - just stopped in that moment. She had sparred relentlessly with her older brothers, it was exhausting at times - but I learnt so much from her.
It is that essence that is no longer.
I will miss that forever.
Hugs to all on this chat.
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Dear JayMG
I am so deeply sorry for your loss of your son, you will find folk use the word ‘losing’ or passed’ or just lost’ because to say the word, died, or tragically in your case, finding your precious son dead, is having to think about, and accepting the word, dead, death’ l firmly believe my son is still with me, in spirit, l talk to him throughout the day, to his photo, and in my mind, l wonder what his thoughts would be when l am making a decision’ l include him in everything l think about and do, my two other sons, do this as well, always remembering him, when they are at work, or fishing or surfing, or walking’ what would Carl be saying back to us, we always include Carl in our conversations, it has helped us a great deal’ l often get his answers come into my mind, please keep reminding yourself " remember when Jay" his smile, a special smile for you, his mannerisms, flicking his hair, his jokes, by keeping these precious memories in your mind, is keeping Jay close to your heart, keeping his special bond’
he had with you, in your heart, you never ‘lost’ him, he is still with you, through your special bond, and in your mind"
I still find that folk dont want to mention Carl, in case i start crying’ or get emotional,
but l accept that, most people dont like talking about death or dying’ as they cant deal with it, l make a point of always talking to those who are grieving’
I went a bit mad with grief when my son died, i was fortunate to have counselling with a Psychological Therapist through my GP l know that that lady ‘saved me’ perhaps you could ask for support from your GP? l was diagnosed with PTSD and complicated grief’ do to the failings at the hospital etc. its taken a long time for me to accept that l will never be the person l was before" but my son Carl lives on in my mind and in my heart’ you will be in my thoughts, as l truly do know what you are going through, stay strong, and please keep posting to this group.
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I lost my son on May 28th. He had a fit and didnt wake up from it. The fits were a result of a TBI whereby he had to have brain surgery after being assaulted. The person who hurt him is in effect his murderer
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When i look at photos of my boy, it still makes me cry and then i get angry. I try to keep busy so i dontchave time to think. It was his birthday a couple of months after he passed, the day after his funeral
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I too lost my son just 2 months ago. He had cerebral palsy and had VERY OCCASIONAL epilepsy. They have said he passed away from SUDEP. I have been questioning myself about whether I missed a dose of epilim, but have been told missing one dose wouldn’t have caused it. He passed away in his sleep as far as we can tell. He was the light of my life. Such a happy soul. I am devastated 
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My son didnt have fits until after he was assaulted and suffered a brain injury in 2011. He was on life support for a while as he had to have a craniotomy to allow his brain to swell, and swell it did. It was this injury that resulted in him having fits. It hurts so much. A parent shouldnt see their child die
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