My soul mate has gone

I lost the love of my life tony on 7th feb 2023 and though I’m coping, it has triggered all sorts of sissies about trust and family. I have lost my rock, my support, my encourager. He was warm and kind and the world feels very cold and hard without him. I feel like some folks have let me down recently and I’m not doing a well. I dreamed about him the other day and it was the most wonderful moment of relief and left me sobbing like a hyena for hours just knowing I will never feel this love and trust again.
I am active and work and keep going but some days are so hard and I sob. The worst is when things go wrong and I just wish he was here to reassure me or talk it through with.

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@Tony4 A sad but warm welcome. you’re here but you are among people who understand. It’s a good site. We’re all in it together :roll_eyes:

It’s been 9 months for me since my wife died. I felt that I was doing well for a good few months then it all just washed over me again, Ground zero. The shock wore off, things started coming through and I realised that somehow my brain had got me to the point that it could relax, let it all come through. I was broken once more.

I’ve never dreamed about my wife,I want it and dread it in equal measure, but I have felt relief and it was really disturbing, guilt ridden. It’s not an emotion I easily relate to grief. I know my wife would not want me to suffer, but not to suffer is relief. So now i let the emotions in, whatever they may be, and I run with them and have a look and try to understand what it is that i need from them.

And so I came here, and I chatted and posted and asked opinions about what I was feeling, thinking and experiencing. It’s really helped me to understand what’s happening to myself. We are all here for the same reason as you and all here to help as we can, And whatever you do keep getting it out, in the long term you will find it easier you, will find him and you will find you.

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It is comforting I am not the only one who howls like a hyena. One day the window was open. People walking by heard me and went to a neighbour to say someone was in distress. This was the day after the funeral. It can just wash over you unexpectedly. This site lets us know we are not alone or strange.

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@Tony4
I’ve certainly learnt new skills since my partner has passed. I’ve particularly struggled like you with him not being my support and I miss supporting him. I miss the United front that we were and I miss the fun as we had so much of that! I miss being the most important person, as he made me feel special and loved.
I would love to dream of him but that’s yet to happen.

I’ve also felt guilty, life without him, at times, has been less difficult, more spontaneous. I’ve got lots done as there’s only me to think about it and only me making decisions, so there’s no back and forth

I guess that’s our new life. Problems are always difficult but we do manage and get through it.

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I have to agree, it’s been such a strange feeling with noticing I have more agency, autonomy. It cuts me up quite a lot but I feel that it’s the only thing that will give me a future. I know my wife would want this but it feels so wrong and bad. Stupid brain.

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I really struggle when people say you have you’re memories as though that is a positive. For me atm my memories are not positive. I don’t want my wife to be a memory I want her to be my reality although I agree with your comment about achieving things as I have got loads done but then somehow it feels meaningless.

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Memories make me sad as that is what I had not what I’ve got

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Yes I feel all that @Marko10 @Sah28 my memories are hard, my purpose has changed, I also don’t worry as much as things don’t mean as much.

Everything has turned on it’s axis and I used to try and figure out why but I don’t know and have never known the meaning of life and why things happen. I could drive myself insane thinking about it, so now I don’t.

For me now, I just try and keep busy. I meet friends, family and I walk. Walking gives me clarity and a time to talk to my partner and time to watch my dog have the time of her life, running around and being free. I can shut the world out, just for a while.

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Sadly after 7 months of struggling I made the decision to re-home my dog which was another kick in the bollo**s. My head knows it was the right decision for her but it still hurts and like you I enjoyed my walks to clear my head and unfortunately because of those memories the walks have stopped. People think you’re strong because you carry on but I certainly don’t feel strong and would happily stay in bed all day if I could

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@Marko10 can you not get someone to walk your dog or foster for a while until you can cope better. So sorry that you are going through this… been 7 months for me when I lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly at the age of 53 years old. Life is so unfair and cruel. Later on your dog might bring you some type of therapy and comfort. Take care and big hugs xx

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It is such a great shame you have had to take this decision about your dog. I really feel for you.
It’s seven months since I lost my dear husband and life doesn’t get any better.

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Oh no … have you let your dog go ? My dog keeps me going and as you say walks ! Xx

I’m sorry to hear about your husband and you have my sympathies. Believe me I tried my best. I’m in a very rural location and dog walkers don’t exist around here. She was a high energy anxious dog and didn’t do well being left on her own. I know she went to a good family who can give her the attention she needs. It would of been my heart overruling my head if I had kept her but it doesn’t make the decision any easier.

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Thank you x

Thanks for your sympathy

@Marko10 I totally understand and know that you are putting your dog first which is a very brave thing to do considering what you are going through. Since my husband has gone I find it difficult to walk as my chest and shoulders hurt and my back hurts and I get lightheaded. I used to love walking and could walk for miles. Just wish I had my old life back. Take care and big hugs Xx

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Thank you that’s very kind of you. I hope you can get back to enjoying your walks again. They are so good for body and soul x

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Apologies for not reading through your post properly last night as I was very down and too focused on my own issues. I’m so sorry for your loss and hope you find some comfort soon x

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I was just thinking of you …hope didnt offend …

@Marko10 You don’t need a dog to still go out for a walk. I’ve never owned a dog and I walk for hours at a time. I found just giving myself a reason or a destination is usually enough. I went off and bought an Ordnance Survey Map of where I live, one of the orange ones, very detailed. I was amazed at how many rights of way there were around me that I had never walked. i was even more amazed at where they led to, so I just went and had a look at what was there. I’ve built up quite an itinerary, I just pick a walk to suit my mood and the time that i have. Also as a non dog walker, I got into foraging, there’s so much out there when you start looking, especially some of the most delicious mushrooms I’ve ever eaten. you have to know what your doing but its not that complicated if you get a few books and have a look around on line.