Just amazes me how similar our positions are - both emotionally and practically
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I actually thought it suited me lol
Colin had just started our hallway ,stripped it and painted ceiling .
Its still like this .i will have to pay someone which i dont mind but dobt feel like the hassell yet .will aim to have it done for christmas .good job its hallway because ypu dont notice it too much .
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I completely understand, months after Marek passed away I repainted bedroom and hallway and also changed carpet. It looks beautiful and fresh but I felt guilty because he can’t enjoy it with me, and I felt like erasing him from our place 
The feeling is gone now and I’m sure he is proud of me. Miss him everyday.
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Know what you mean about hassle, ive started decorating, tiny bit at a time, but just have no enthusiasm for it. As you say it will get done ready
He will be proud im absolutely sure of that and I know I will feel eventually Gill will be proud of me. It’s another horrid emotion guilt. It dosent make sense. I glad that guilty feeling for you has gone now and im sure deservedly. Ye I miss my Gill everyday, don’t think that will ever disappear whatever the future holds for me
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Eddie, my heart hurts for you.
Everyone has to do what feels right for them, but I personally feel that it’s far too soon to be doing anything like decorating. We are on the same journey at exactly the same time. You need to protect yourself as much as you can. To me (only in my opinion, of course), you are feeling the need to decorate so soon as another form of punishing yourself for all the ways you’re telling yourself that you failed Gill. Eddie, you are newly bereaved, as am I. Don’t make any sudden changes now. Spend your time and energy finding ways to make the days easier for yourself, not harder.
Everything I read tells me that if signs are going to come, it’s not going to be when we are in a heightened state of anguish. Try not to focus too much on the rings. It’s just going to distress you more.
As usual Eddie, know that I write all this totally from the point of view that it’s easier said than done x
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I always enjoy your words so thank you. You often offer a different perspective and that in itself helps. You’re right about punishing myself that is exactly how I feel. The daft thing is I recognise that. Hope your doing as well as can be and I hope you have a reasonable day ahead. Thank you again HelRen
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Thank you Eddie, that is such a compliment 
I have been punishing myself in a different way today, so I can’t really talk. I’ve spent hours, absolutely hours, going through photographs of Mark to use on Thursday. No-one else will have any idea of the effort (and upset) I’ve gone through to make sure I haven’t missed any ones out that I want people to see. I could have spent a fraction of the time and it would have had just as much impact. Now I’m feeling really wobbly emotionally, and so many other things I’d hoped to do today won’t get done 
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I am going through the same thing my partner of 20 year a pass 5th January 26 and I keep breaking down uncontrollably crying .so I keep being told it’s all part off grief but what do I know I have never lost anyone for and I feel that he has taken half of my heart with him xx
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I am so sorry for your loss , your emotions will be all over the place . From feeling numb , to feeling like you’re in a daze . Take baby steps,
Sending you a hug🥰
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Dear Mandyoz
So sorry for your loss. It’s so difficult to try and understand anything in these early days. Try and look after yourself too, but I know the grief and the tears just don’t stop. I’m 3 months on this terrible path, and am so lonely now, as it was just me, Ray and our cat Peggy. Please keep posting and reading on here, any time of the day or night, as we’re all in this together and know how hard it is. You have friends here. Take good care x
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Helren, I remember going through the photos, the emotions that each one stirs up is tough. I was in such a state that I couldn’t find loads of the ones I wanted. We were planning a move and loads of stuff is in boxes and all over the place. The photos are such an important part of the service as you want to honour their lives. I remember thinking how can I be doing this and why? I just couldn’t fathom that it had come to this. Hope all goes well on the day. Take care x
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Thank you very much x
Thank you so very much for your kind words
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That’s exactly how I’m feeling. Looking at how happy and fulfilled and full of life Mark was…how can this have happened to him? 
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I am SO very sorry. My husband died unexpectedly on December 17th, so it’s still very early days for me too. My personal advice, based on how the last few weeks have been for me, is to take anything you are feeling as a very natural response to the immense shock and grief you are going through. You will feel like you’re going mad. You aren’t, it’s normal to feel that way. You will feel lost and afraid, and like you don’t know how to exist from one minute to the next. You will feel numb one second and be crying uncontrollably the next. It’s all normal and I think it helps to remind yourself of that. It won’t stop any of these awful feelings, but it will hopefully make you feel a bit more in control in time. The most important thing is to be kind and gentle to yourself. Take care x
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How have you been today
Thank you so much for your kind words.yer I do feel like I am going mad I find myself shouting at him and then just sit and daydream for hours x. I am so sorry for your loss to x
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I am sitting there doing the same thing one minute he was happy and we was having a laugh. And the next I am on the phone calling 999 .