I think it just shows how fragile we all are.
My mum was really good for 74 but I lost a really good colleague this week. He was super fit, aged 53 but had a heart attack while running.
Life just doesn’t make sense.
I’m having an ok couple of days daffy which has taken me by surprise and it’s nice.
I am so fed up of crying and being down.
I was distraught at the weekend. I never know what I’m going to be like from day to day.
Cheryl c
C1971, That’s great to hear you’ve had a few good days.
I actually dusted Mum’s room for the first time today. That’s progress. I spoke to an invisible mother whilst I did it. I suppose it helps me get it out of my system.
'm going to try and start distracting myself, as all this sadness is bound to be bad for the body.
Take care.
I know you dont work daffy but for me getting back to work has saved me. I spent june, july, August and september like a recluse.i was worried for my mental health terribly. When I went back to work in october the first few weeks were very hard and I thought I had made a huge mistake getting myself signed back, but now I loom forward to travelling into London and working. Mum is always on my mind but im busy in work and I spend less time moping around indoors.
I dont know your circumstances of course,but maybe you could find something to occupy your time?
Cheryl x
To work or not to work has certainly been on my mind. I’ve been at home carer for a long time so my world has been turned upside down. I can hold on for a few months financially, before seeking a job. However, I don’t like going into savings.
Yesterday, i even wondered if some short-term voluntary work might be a good idea. I do help my partner a bit with his work, once a month.
At the moment hibernating seems good. as I’m certainly very out of sorts.
I read somewhere yesterday that getting back to normal life is good for processing grief.
It’s been such a shock that i reluctant to put myself under stress.
Lovely to hear that working is help you.
Daffy,
I’m conscious that you are only 8 weeks in whilst I am 23 weeks in so please dont be offended.
Whatever is good for you xx
I’m not offended. I’m just rather lost and indecisive.
I know. Its so hard xx
Hello and welcome to the community.
Whether you lose someone suddenly or over the course of several weeks, months or years, it’s still horrible. I’m from the suddenly camp and have hit another milestone today. For me it is 13 weeks today which means it’s a quarter of a year. I find this counting thing taking over my life at the moment, it’ll be 3 months tomorrow.
I was on holiday in August with my wife, daughter and mum. We were all having a great time until the last day when my mum was having breathing difficulties before even getting out of bed in the morning. Within the space of an hour or so of discovering this situation, she was gone. That day, what she said and what I saw will haunt me forever, it was horrible.
I’m sorry you are going through all this now but you are in the right place and I can see that you’ve lots of replies and support already. It’s strange isn’t, the world keeps turning and the sun still shines but something isn’t right and someone is missing. Hard to understand the whys and make any sense of it. Emotions all over the place from one day to the next. I’m hoping one day to look back and smile at all the wonderful memories, unfortunately I don’t feel anywhere near that day yet.
Look after yourself.
Thank you. I’m so sorry about your Mum. You wouldn’t wish it on your worst enemy would you. I can’t stop seeing Mum in hospital. It was the most horrendous thing and will stay with me forever. I just hope and pray she heard what I said to her in those 5 minutes. I’m absolutely heartbroken. Thank you all for the support
No I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. I have a new appreciation for life that I never had before. Firstly it’s fragile and musn’t be taken for granted. Secondly, what’s important to me isn’t work at all, I do it because it pays the bills. No, what’s important is family and health and really appreciate both of those. Thirdly, I think we have to enjoy life while we can because it can change without warning.
I believe and hope that those sharp and painful memories that we all have will soften with time, a lot of time.
I never thought it possible to stay so sad for so long until now. It is some small comfort to realise that there are others out there with similar feelings and experiences. We can come together here to chat, share our emotions and hopefully work our way towards some kind of peace.
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Hi @Jill
I just saw you post from earlier and just wanted to say that my mum died for exactly the same reason. Very sudden whilst we were on holiday together as a family. Really trying not to think about it again but failing. I hate this mental torture.
My newly found dad is in a care home with Vascular Dementia and other medical conditions. I’m hoping he’ll be around for some time yet so I can catch up on 46 lost years before it’s too late. Now he’s in an emotional state because he only saw my mum once for the first time in 46 years, just a month before she died. I feel quite stressed by it all.
Oh,Shaun that’s awful.You’re trying to cope with your Mums death and trying to build a relationship with your Dad.Dementia is such a cruel illness and sufferers crawl into their own little world.In the 3 months before Dads death,he didn’t know me.He was in a care home and I did a lovely photo album for him but he ripped it to pieces.I knew then that I had lost him.Good luck with the future
Thank you Jill, On the plus side I’ve gained a lovely half sister. Downside is that they are over 2 hours away so I can’t just pop round for a visit. I don’t think I should talk about him in detail on here as that wouldn’t be fair. I will say though that he is being driven crazy by other residents which I totally understand and doesn’t want to be there to the point of many times suggesting he might end it all. The home called the police out recently because of him which we all think was ridiculous because he broke a glass and became ‘threatening’. If I could get him out of there I would but there is no other solution. He most of the time is very chatty and lovely to talk to but we all know the future whenever that is and I don’t feel completely able to support him and myself at the moment. I have put together a big box of goodies including wine which I’m going to send to him. He really likes chocolate and wine!
Aw,that’s nice.It’s good you’ve found your Dad and half sister.Is He in a home that can deal with Dementia patients?My Dads wasn’t very well trained.He had many falls but they didn’t have a nurse there so when he cut his arm,he had to wait until a nurse could visit.I wasn’t putting up with that so I cleaned him up myself.How could they let him sit there with blood pouring down his arm?Thankfully,he was only there for 8 months before he died
There seems to be a common theme I’ve noticed. I’m sorry you and your dad had to go through that, what a terrible story. Dad is in a home that should be able to cope as they have many there with dementia but recently after discussions with the owner, they’ve acknowledged that some staff are not as trained up as they should be. Problems can occur at night when there are fewer staff around. Dad has often complained about being left in an uncomfortable state and ignored. I really feel bad for him as I know I’d hate to be confined like that especially when I consider his past life and where he’s been and what he’s done in his career. The thought of ending up in a place like that terrifies me but who knows what the future brings? I message him a lot on WhatsApp and also have voice or video chats regularly just to include him in my life a bit more since he can’t ever visit us.
Dad had a problem in hospital as well.He fell and broke his hip and was in hospital for 5 weeks.Not one member of staff had Dementia training and because he kept lashing out at staff,they thought he should be in a secure unit as though he was insane.Luckily a place was found in a care home.The hospital now has a Dementia Ward with fully trained staff.Better late than never!
I’ve just got to try and be more like my Mum now. And be the best Mum I can to my boys. It’s the only thing I can do for her now.
I miss her with all my heart. I miss my Mum 
It’s what your Mum would have wanted you to do.They need you as much as you need your Mum but you have to carry on for them.You will always miss her but you have your good memories,and hopefully the pain will become less in time. Jill x
Hi
So sorry to hear the news of your Mums passing xxx
I lost my Mum, 18/11/19 - In a similar way to yourself, she had chest pains (GP gave her antibiotics on the Monday)
Tuesday my son persuaded her to go to the hospital who told us she had a blockage they performed procedure to put in a stent, which dislodged something and caused a major stroke. Paralysed down one side, no speech etc - for the first 3 days afterwards she was aware of what had happened - the look of fear in her eyes is something I will never forget- her grabbing my elder brothers hand and trying to pull herself up whist pointing at the door, she wanted to go home - it was horrific. She could squeeze our hand to let us know she could hear her and raised her head twice to kiss my son, her Grandson - (he is 31). We lost her 6 days after the stroke happened- it was a long drawn out process and not what Mum would have wanted any of us to endure. We have still not been allowed to bring her body out of the hospital - they are nervous of repercussions I guess - although we have no intention of ever doing any thing. I just want to bring her home and say our final farewell.
She leaves behind my brother & I who are in our 50’s, so to a degree understand - however her only Grandchild is beside himself and he has 2 little girls. It’s just so sad.
Just wanted to drop you a reply I have never used this before, so hope I am doing OK.