My world has fallen apart

I’m 49 and out of the blue 3 days ago my 52 year old husband was suffering chest pains, he got taken off in an ambulance he was talking and got himself into the chair. 45 minutes later the hospital rang asking me to go in, when I arrived they told me he arrested in the ambulance on route to the hospital and despite several attempts they were unable to revive him. My world has fallen apart and I don’t know what to do next.

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Also forgot to mention my husband died 10 weeks to the day that I lost my month and 20 months after losing my Dad. It’s been one loss after another and the pain is too much to bear

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I am so very sorry that you are suffering so badly. I understand only too well what you are going through, grief is the worst emotion ever.
I wish I could say something to bring you comfort I know that the only thing I can say is that you are amongst people who are suffering just like you are suffering. This group of people is the most caring and compassionate I have ever “met”. We may be virtual friends but you will not find any finer than these.
Take good, care of yourself,
Blessings
MaryL

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Jen,
My heart goes out to you, so devastating the loss of your husband and I think your mum ? and dad.
I know the complete and utter shock of losing your husband so suddenly. I lost my husband 7 months ago he had a cardiac arrest and I still can’t believe it.
Hope you have people around you, and post on here and as Mary says there’s always lovely people who know exactly how you feel and are here to help you. We are all virtual friends, always there for each other.
Sending love
Steph x

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Hi Jen
There is not one of us on this site that doesn’t understand exactly how you are feeling. Of course your world has fallen apart and you won’t know which way to turn you have had a terrible shock. I wanted to walk out of our home and never turn back when I lost my husband but I was told that I couldn’t do that I had too much to do.
You don’t say if you have family to help you or perhaps you would rather manage on your own. Take each day as it comes at your own pace and understand that at the moment you are in total shock.
There is no right or wrong way to cope with your grief but grieve you must. Your emotions will change every day but don’t fight them. If your unsure then come onto this forum and there is always someone that will help or advise. You are not alone you are among understanding ‘friends’ that can reassure you.
We have all found ways to cope and although at the moment you won’t be able to think straight you will begin very slowly to mend your world perhaps not as you wanted but we do find a life of sorts. Remember Jen that love doesn’t end here, we all carry our loved ones in our hearts.
You have had more than enough to cope with, my heart goes out to you. Try to look after yourself.
God bless

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Thanks all for your kind wishes. Friends are being great Apart from the moment in the hospital when I was told he had gone the worst moment came 8 hours later when I had to go and wake up his mother to deliver the terrible news and watch her crumble in front of me. There are times when selfishly I find her grief too much to cope with on top of my own.

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Hi Jen
So sorry for your loss. Like you I lost my husband suddenly which just sends you into complete shock and denial. I have found posting on this site has been a great help to supporting me as others truly know how the pain of grief especially unexpected and sudden grief feels.
Take care xx

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Hi Jen. So sorry for all your losses. What a devastating time for you. One is too much to cope with. I am so lucky at nearly 60 to have elderly parents but I know it won’t last forever. My husband passed away 15wks ago only 6wks after going to GP. He also has a Mum still living as he was only 64. His Mum is 87 and sat at that hospice every single day for 4wks and at the end, her and I sat for 30hrs with no sleep. His 2 sons and 2 sisters were there but went for a sleep every so often. I couldn’t leave him and neither could his Mum. She is devastated and struggling with the isolation too. She lives nearly an hour away but phoned last weekend and pleaded for me to go over. I did and although very sad we did have happy memories too. I can’t imagine losing my kids. Your Mother in Law will be as heartbroken as you. Sending giant hugs to you both. X

I understand, Jen28,
It is many years since my dad died, my mother 8 years after him, I loved her dearly but she would not allow me to grieve the loss of my dad. I told her once that I tried to understand how she was feeling but together with my much younger brother and sister, I had lost my dad who I loved dearly.

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So tomorrow is the post-mortem and just the thought of it is making me so upset. I have booked an appointment with the doctor to see if I can get something to help me sleep as I am not getting more than a couple of hours a night.

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Hi jen28. You need to get help to sleep so check in with your doctor. If it just helps you get through the next couple of weeks it will be something. None of us can cope without our sleep. I hope the postmortem gives you the answers you want.
Sending strength and hugs x

So yesterday was the funeral and I can honestly say it was one of the worst days of my life. Today has been the first day that I have been truly alone with no one visiting. I have been on sleeping tablets and they have helped me sleep. At some point I need to go back to work but everything feels so raw. Everyone has been commenting on how well I am coping but that was only because I had so much to keep me busy but today I totally broke down.

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Hi Jen. I am so sorry you had to go through the funeral, it truly is the worst day of your life as you say and with the virus even more so as numbers are curtailed. You will feel alone as you find that people swamp you at the beginning then it dwindles off, but true friends and family will always be there for you. It took me about 8wks for it to hit me that I am truly alone now but boy did it hit. All I can say is try and get out every day and get close family to FaceTime you as better than a call. If having a bad day, go out even for a wee walk.
My heart goes out to you but we are all there and only a message away if you need us.
Take care
Shona

Aww Jen my darling I really feel for you,I lost my beautiful husband 10 weeks ago after he lost his battle with Cancer. The hurt is unbelievable,I’ve only just joined this group and it’s already bringing me comfort,I hope it can do the same for you lovely.xx

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Jen, I was lucky enough to have two very good friends stay with me alternately, the first the day after my wife’s passing. But there was one night during their visits to me where I was going to be alone and I was absolutely dreading it. I cannot recall now how I got through that night, but somehow I did.

The day of my wife’s funeral, our best friends travelled over from Lancashire and I would never have managed without them. But, like you, the day after, the last couple left in the late morning and I was on my own. I was devastated, the loneliness I felt was just incredible and my brain was struggling to handle it. I wanted to scream, I cried and I just wanted to hear someone else’s voice - It didn’t matter what they said, I just needed to hear the sound of another human’s voice.

I can only guess that the intensity of your pain is multiplied by so much loss in such a short time, and my heart goes out to you. I can only hope that the comments from people on the forum can offer you some small degree of comfort, as they have for me, and help you though what is a devastating time. Lean on your friends as much as you can for support - I have with mine, they have been a godsend and continue to be so - and don’t be afraid to call them. I hope things have improved for you at least a little in the last 2 months, though it may not feel like it. Know that you are in the thoughts of many people, and I send you my very best wishes.

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