Since Jacqui passed 4 months ago, it feels like my little place in the world has gone, Jacqui connected me with the outside world, I am now lost, just drifting through each day with a mixture of my day job, feeding myself and mostly missing her. Can’t sleep properly, just keep feeling what’s the point.
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If you look around on this site you’ll see that were all feeling lost and wondering why we should bother to go on.
I’d love to go to bed one night and pass over during sleep and “wake up” with Luie.
But we can’t do that and break so many hearts who are also grieving for the loss of their dad, granddad etc., I don’t want to add to that so I plod on and hope that time will help the pain become less. It will never go completely, but it should fade
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ON THOSE DAYS
On those days
when you miss someone the most as though your memories are sharp enough
to slice through skin and bone remember how they loved you.
Remember how they loved you and do that for yourself.
In their name in their honour.
Love yourself
as they loved you.
They would like that.
On those days
when you miss someone the most love yourself harder.
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My husband died last March.
It’s going to be tough for a very very long time and it’s going to change your life for the rest of your life.
It doesn’t go away. But we learn to live a long side of it.
Somebody told me once that Life grows around our grief not a long side of it around it. The love we have is still at the centre of our lives. We never forget but for those around us family and friends we begin to find other purposes. Never the same.
38 years is a long time. A very long time and you are right it’s about searching for yourself inside of the identity that you want. Be strong and brave. Take care there are lots of us out here.
I am 55 and my husband was 59 when he died. A second marriage for both, and I only had seven years with him. I miss him so terribly much. 43 weeks and still counting and still going.
It’s so very very soon for you.
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We were both married before too, but we had twenty years together before my husband died at the end of October. It was such a good marriage, we were bird happy, we were never bored, we were delighted with each other. I know the pain now is the price I have to pay for the happiness then, but at the moment it seems a great injustice that we cannot die from a broken heart.
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So sorry for your loss.
Big hugs 
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