Need some hugs and hope

When I’m working or cleaning or running or doing anything like that I can switch my brain off a bit … it’s times like when I’m in my car on my own or when I’m trying to drop to sleep that horror of it all kicks in :frowning: have you tried counselling at all ? I can’t face it … i guess I don’t see how it can help … does that make sense ? This feels like something that can’t be fixed. I don’t mean to sound negative but I think time is the only thing that might make the pain ease a bit … I listen to people’s conversations but I feel like I’m sort of blankly smiling. It literally goes in one ear and out the other. I’ve also got really tough. I used to be really sensitive but everything that has happened has literally knocked that out of me. Do you have any other siblings at all ? Do you still have your parents?

My lovely daughter died 18 months ago and I am still a wreck and nothing and nobody can make it better

I can’t even imagine your pain… you are in my thoughts x

Oh Moggles321, I am so sorry. I can only say that you will find warmth and caring on this forum, and I am here to listen. Wishing you strength. Xxx Sister2

Hi Charlie H., How are you getting on? I agree that the “down time” brings on the tears and intense feelings. I cry in the car every day, and I also find just before drifting to sleep (when I can sleep) painful memories and flashbacks play over in my mind. I started counselling a few months back, and it helps a bit. it will never fix this, but I am trying anything at this point. Both my parents are gone, My Mum in 2012, also to cancer. My little sister and I helped each other through each loss, but now I need her to help me through this one. I have one older sibling, but she is not helpful or supportive, and was always envious of the closeness I shared with my younger sister. She was not even speaking to us after our Mother passed. She has a husband, but I am single and alone. Friends are kind, but have their own lives and families, and I am not one to burden them. I just feel lost and on the outside without my younger sister. She was my heart. Thinking of you and sending you caring thoughts, and thank you and everyone for being here. Xxx, Sister2

I am an only child, Sister2, so have never known the bonds which must tie to a sister or brother. I recognize your grief, though (in my case for my beloved wife who died 18 weeks and one day ago).

Hello Edwin, Thank you, So sorry for the loss of your lovely wife. She looks so sweet in the picture. I think we can recognize each other’s grief, because no matter whom we lose, we all hurt, and experience the emptiness that comes with losing someone who was our world. Take care. Sister2

I’m always here if you want yo talk … it’s sounds like you are having such a tough time :frowning: our lives in some ways are very similar. I too lost my mother to cancer (8 years ago) I still have my father but we are not really very close. I also have one other sibling but our relationship is very strained and we are very very different. My brother was my soulmate and in many ways a father figure to me as he was 8 years older. I am married though and I have three bonkers kids who do keep me very busy. I think it’s when I am not busy that I struggle more. When my brother first died I would spend hours cleaning or go for crazy long runs. I am getting a little better at relaxing now as I felt like my brain was going to explode to start with. The panic feeling has eased but now I just feel very very sad. I feel like I am always acting ok on the outside but I am very fragile inside. I think maybe the more you love someone the more it hurts and it sounds like you were very close to your sister. I hope counselling is helping you and I do think this support group here helps. It’s just good to know that there are people out there who understand … I don’t think that it is possible to understand unless you have been through it. I have read that sibling grief is often forgotten and I agree with that. I feel like the world just expects us to carry on like normal when nothing feels normal. Creating a new normal is also so hard when you feel low:-( I will always be here - real out anytime x much love x CharlieH

Hi Charlie H, Thank you for your supportive words. How are you getting on lately? I have been rather withdrawn, but I bring myself back to the forum when I feel this way. I know I need to connect with others who are also feeling the terrible loneliness of grief. We do have much in common. Losing our Mother’s to cancer, the strained relationship with the other sibling, and having a “soulmate” in the loved one we lost. So hard to be in this position, isn’t it? Sounds like we both had a best friend in life, and now they are gone. Like you, I also share that need to “keep busy.” I find idle time frightening because it is when the nightmare of her last hours returns. Watching someone you love more than life die in front of you, is something one can never fully recover from. Holding her hand and feeling her slip away still haunts me. I was always the one to protect her, the older sister, but I could not protect her from the dreaded cancer. Speaking in my sessions helps for the moment, but the pain and emptiness will always be there. I hope you are finding some peace, and that your days are getting easier, if that is possible. I am also here to listen. if you or any one here needs an ear, day or night. ( I hardly sleep any more) Take care. Xxx Sister2

Hi Moggles321, How are you getting on ? Thinking of you, and hoping you are finding some way to get through your days without so much pain. I just wanted you to know that I am still here, if you ever care to talk. Sending warm, caring thoughts, Sister2, Xxx

Hi Sister2 x
I know what you mean about withdrawing. I find it hard to commit to things such as social engagements… I just done find any pleasure in them anymore. I also can’t drink else I think my emotions will just flood all over the place. I guess it’s like a control thing … I feel safe in my home environment and I feel like if I need to have a meltdown then that’s fine here but not so much in front of others. Ironically it’s easier to talk to you thank friends I have had for years. As I’ve saod before grief had a way of isolating you from others or maybe it’s just you need to isolate yourself when you feel like this in order to heal. I think each day you will get a little stronger but right now you probably don’t feel like that. You sound lovely and you must find a way towards happiness … it will take a lot of time and like me a lot of tears on the way but we will get there. Hang in there Sister2 … always here for you x

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