Need to be loved

It is now more than two months since my husband died. I’ve just realised something quite devastating. My husband always loved me unconditionally. Sometimes, when I think back, I behaved badly just to be sure he still loved me without realising what I was doing.I had a difficult childhood but thought I had grown up. I felt very independent while he was there without knowing until now that it was he who gave me that security to lead my own life. Anything that goes wrong or if people don’t talk to me or approve of me I feel desolate. If I haven’t grown up after 48 years of loving care and nurturing from my husband I don’t see how I can become independent as a person now. I don’t know where or how to start. I have friends and interests but inside there is an enormous void that they can’t fill. I feel so deserted.

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Hi Pattoa
I have the same feelings as you ,I did everything with my husband , he was my support for everything. I always turned to him for help and now he isn’t there I feel as you do deserted. I lost my husband to cancer 5 weeks ago and feel so lonely. The pain inside is unbearable at times. I’m trying to be strong and go out and try new things but it’s so hard. My only comfort is my faith , I keep praying to relieve the pain.
I’m not much comfort to you but I do understand how you are feeling.

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Thank you for replying, Katy. It helps to feel you are not the only one. People say it gets easier with time. I hope it does for both of us. Regards, Pattoa.

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Hello wow thanks for this post. I can relate. He loved you, he stayed with you. I know it’s hard but try to think of the positive things more. Don’t groan at that!! I know our past can be hard. I was in the care system.

Thank you for replying mysmugcat. I will try to be positive but I can’t help thinking about the fact that I took his care for granted. Everything is so much clearer when you are looking back but at the time is isn’t clear at all. You just muddle through. If I ever met someone else which is unlikely, it would be me giving the care because now I could give instead of taking. I have a different attitude now and try to make people happy and care for my children and grandchildren. It’s a pity to grow up so late but better late than never. It is one positive thing that has come out of something so awful.Take care.

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