Need to know how to help my Mum cope after losing Dad

Dad died at aged 95 on 28th January. Mum is 94. They had been married for 74 years. Mum coped better than we expected for four weeks. She is not coping now. She has had a cold with cough for a week. She is in a care home, they were together there. I don’t know how to make it bearable. She wants to be with him. She says her head is a mess. It must be. I see her every day with my Medic Alert assistance dog Cleo who she loves. But the last few days she has shut down. Not eating. Staring. I had her ears tested Friday, she has lost 60% of her hearing, hearing aids are being sorted. Her sight is bad. Her mobility this week has reduced. At my wits end as don’t know how to help her.

Hello janc, I am so very sorry to hear that your dad died in January and that your mum is not coping. It sounds like this is a really difficult time for you.

Are you getting any support from the care home at the moment? It’s important to look after yourself so you’re better able to care for and support you mum. We have some information on our website about coping as a carer - perhaps there’s something in here that would be helpful for you: https://www.sueryder.org/how-we-can-help/someone-close-to-me-has-died/advice-and-support/coping-as-a-carer

If there’s anything we can do to support you please let us know.

Take care,
Eleanor

hi jane you have come to the right place for support x i am so sorry to hear about you dad you must miss him enormously as does your mum .As long as your mum knows you are there that is all you can do right now you obviously love her very much or you wouldnt be trying to sort help out for her and you being there for her now is more important than anything if she cant hear aswell as she could now hold her if she cant see to good touch her you being there is the most precious thing you can give her x She is heartbroken x my love to you and your dear mum x love jo xx

Words are hard to find from most of us widows as were in the same situation ,All I can say is be strong ,keep healthy and most of the time be with your Mum ,words are hard just hold her hands and show her your there 24/7. My thoughts and prays are with you.
Your Mum has had a lovely long marriage,very strong love for your dad as he too loved your mum.Love is stronge and can never be broken .

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