New and grieving

Hi, not sure how or why but Sue Ryder popped up on my Facebook. Intrigued thought I’d join.

Sadly, my wife passed away on Monday aged 43. I feel robbed. She had stage 4 bowel cancer and had hoped for another 3rd line of treatment. She suddenly became unwell and less than 2 weeks later she was gone. We have a little girl she’s 6. She’s been amazing but I’m petrified for her.

I’ve been busy sorting funeral etc and only when stop rushing does it hit me. Stupid things like picking an outfit for her to wear in coffin looking through all clothes or deleting her programs from sky q box.

I’m sorry we are all in this group. I feel lost and bit inadequate truthfully. My wife was the organiser and heart of the family.


I am so sorry for your loss and that you are now on this journey that none of us would choose to be on.
We lost our youngest son 4 months ago, he was 41, and it’s still very raw. I wish I could say something that would help but there are no words.
I find just taking things a day at a time is the best way for me. I don’t want to plan or look beyond each day. You have to do things at a pace which you can manage. I have not moved any of my sons things, everything is as it was before he went into hospital and I can’t even think of doing anything with them. Planning for the funeral is difficult but I got a lot of comfort from making sure it was a celebration of his life and that if he could have been there he would have really enjoyed it.
Talking to people on this site really helps as everyone understands the pain we are going through. I feel I can say things on here that I can’t say to friends and family because sometimes they mean well but just don’t get it. Take care of yourself and your daughter.


Thank you and it makes some sense. I’ve been put in touch with another guy my age who lost his wife by church representative we met whilst wife was in hospital. Going to meet in few weeks after funeral.

I hate living short term though as prior to wife diagnosis we were big planners and want to get back into that but not sure how/when.

Thank you replying


Good to know that you will be meeting someone in a similar position who I am sure will be a good support.
Unfortunately, there is no guidebook for grief and we all have to deal with it as best we can, in our own time and in our own way.

its really hard sorting everything out. my husband died in july. im so sad and angry i dont get it. Covid bought out all kinds of things but its unreal. im awake now at 3.30am i feel cheated lives unfair but this is the best place to vent as we all
understand the pain this grief brings

1 Like

So sorry for everyone’s loss on this site its a very traumatic time and no one can say anything that can ease your pain ,but you are right I take it 1 day at a time ,my husband and soulmate died in June this year and everyday is a slog ,but at least I’m getting up in the morning and facing the day ahead which is all I can bare to do :pensive:

1 Like

Sorry for your loss must be so hard with your daughter being so young too… I lost my husband 6 weeks ago suddenly age 53 and I have never know Pain like this…its consuming for me I dont feel like I can carry on tho I’m trying as I have 2 teenagers…I feel like I’m just existing and my life is now poiñtless…I have family and friends to support me but I also feel like no one understands unless they have been through it…hope you find the support you need x

1 Like

I feel the exact same, I lost my darling husband 5 weeks ago very unexpected and if I didn’t have my 2 young adult children living at home I don’t really know how I would be. The pain of the loss is so intense, I have felt mainly numbness for the past couple of weeks but now beginning to have so many different feelings, anger, sad, I find I repeat in my head why ? I never used to suffer with anxiety but now hating being in places where there are lots of people, getting stressed out, upset at the small things that would never bother me before. I found time is now ticking by so much quicker and it fears me how another week becomes another week. The lack of sleep, stress as caused me to have a chest infection, I know I need to take care of myself more. I have some great support but feel they don’t truly understand as they are not going what I am going through.
Sending hugs from someone who understands x


I would just like to say how sorry I am for your loss, I to lost my Wife aged 43 to Ovarian Cancer. That was in October 2019, I look back now and wonder how I’ve managed for three years without her. My Children are now 21 & 16, I found that for the first year I was in a state of shock. The second year I was processing what had happened and the Third year depression.
I’ve had some counselling this year which really helped, find time for yourself and try to find some peace. Sending love & strength to you and your Daughter x



It’s absolutely horrendous Netty and wouldn’t wish this on anyone, I keep expecting him to walk through the door and my heart aches so much. I think I was numb the 1st 4 weeks up until the funeral then following that it’s just got worse. My feeling are same as yours all over the place, think am suffering anxiety too which I never did. I am only going out when absolutely need to and try and avoid people as I just can’t hold the tears back. I am 50 on Monday and the family are trying to arrange something but I just can’t face it I don’t want to celebrate without him, it pains me to go to Sunday dinner at my mums without him there. Our son is also 16 next week I Just can’t deal with it. I agree no one know truly what it’s like until you have been there. Big hugs to you too I hope speaking others who understand will help xxx


I totally get your feelings regarding your 50th celebrations, I was 50 last week 20.10.22 however it was the 3rd anniversary of loosing Haley on 17.10.22.

I informed all of my Family that I didn’t want the big fuss, I kept it all low key which was perfect. Unfortunately I feel I have to be very firm and sometimes selfish to protect my mindset. This doesn’t bother me because I know I’m a calmer person and life’s is far less complicated when I’m control of my own situation.
Do you what’s right for you and enjoy your 50th Birthday in what ever way you decide :birthday::champagne::clinking_glasses:

1 Like


I have told them firmly that I don’t want to celebrate my birthday, whether they listen or not we will see. I understand what they are doing as my husband was the life and soul of any party and no way would he want me not to celebrate. But at the minute I don’t want to face it without him.

Thanks you x


Hi jrakko
I am so sorry for your loss
Sending hugs to you and your daughter . I lost my partner of 24 years.only 7 weeks ago . He is 46 this month.
I too feel lost and there are no support groups that I can join without being on a waiting list
We also lost my partner’s sister 7 years ago of cervical cancer she was only 37 so I also know the devastating affects that cancer patients have to go through in terms of treatment
I’m new to this group and just getting used to the service but I’m happy to talk/listen to anyone who needs a chat