New and trying to find something that helps

Hi, I don’t know anyone who’s lost their mum yet I’m 26 with 2 kids, one 6 months old and one 6 year old.
Iv been my mums Carer for as long as I can remember and we’ve always been very close. She had a lot of health problems including copd.
She died very sudden on the 25.2.20
I have so much guilt and grief I just don’t know how people do it. I’m just so sad everyday and she’s all I think about. Just constantly how it ended, what I could of done and how much I miss her
Any tips on how to handle these emotions just feeling lost, thank you x

Hi ell2,
I’m sorry to read about your mum. As you get older it isnt do unusual to have lost a parent but you still feel alone anyway. I lost my mum suddenly laet june to a brain hemorrhage when I was 48 but I lost my dad suddenly to a heart attack when I was 27.
Nearly 11 months have passed since I lost my mum but I think about her from the moment I get up to the moment I go to bed. I am so sad and still cry most days.
I think the fact that you have children will help. I have a 13 year old daughter and I try to throw myself into work, looking after her, the housework and the garden to keep busy. I do wonder when the sadness will end but I dont know if it ever will. My mum was my best friend and we did everything together.
I think you just have to accept that this is how you will feel. I can reassure you that the guilt does subside though.
I felt so guilty that I didnt see the signs, that i didnt get her to the doctor, that I didnt nag her more. She could still be here if I did this and that.
I’m not a doctor and I couldnt have saved my mum.i still have wobbles from time to time but nowcits mainly just the loss and sadness I’m left with.
Cheryl x

Thanks for replying, I’m sorry for your lost :heart:
My girls are definitely helping occupy my time just so weird being in lockdown, Iv never spent all day in my house before this.
I really hope the guilt goes, I begged her to go hospital I called the doctor out Thursday and Friday before but he just changed her pain meds. I even said “she needs the hospital she’s not well” and he said no she doesn’t.
She’s been in and out basically every month for the past 2 years, I know her health was rapidly declining but it was still in a blink of a eye when I finally got her in on the Monday. Why she always refused if I asked her she was so fed up of being there. I can’t stand this feeling anymore xxx

I know. There is nothing worse. Keep chatting on here. It has definitely helped me.
I’m guessing your mum wasnt very old either which makes it even harder x

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She was only 55, yeah definitely will don’t feel like I have anyone else too xx

55 is way too young. My dad was 53 and even after 22 years he would only be 75 now.
Over the years I learnt to accept it because I still had my mum but now she is gone I’m pretty angry, bitter and sad all the time.

@Ell2 hi Ell, and welcome to the site where no one wants to be. I was 26 when I lost my Dad in November to COPD/ a very sudden heart attack. I’ve just reached the 6 month point and I don’t know how I made it this far. Like you, I was also my Dads carer and had been since his diagnosis on my 18th birthday. It’s such a heavy weight to carry - the looming of what’s to come was forever on my mind yet I could’ve never prepared for what I’ve now been through. I don’t have children and my partner never met my Dad. It’s heartbreaking being so young and them missing out on so much. You’ll have good days and very bad ones and this bloody lockdown isn’t helping any of us grieving. It’s a time where we need family close and plenty hugs.
I’m sorry I don’t have much tips - the only advice I have is to go with it and not fight whatever emotions come up. We’ve gone through the worst trauma there is and there’s no guidebook to grief. I have found reading Elisabeth Kübler-Ross really helpful, do you know about the 5 stages of grief? It’s not so much a guide, more an explanation on feelings and why we go through grief the way we do. In this day and age, I find support really difficult. No one talks about death and if you try you’re labelled as being ‘morbid’ or on a ‘downer’… we are neither of those things. Talking about it is the only helpful way of working through the emotions. Don’t worry about being sad or down, I don’t see how anyone could expect anything else. Be very kind to yourself and try get the basics down - sleeping, eating etc.
My inbox is always open if you need to chat with someone who’s in a very similar boat.
Take care :butterfly:

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