**New Here**

Hi,
So I’m new here, only joined tonight. I’ve been looking for a decent support community and this looks it. My Uncle passed away due to Cancer in November 2018, shortly after my Step Dad was diagnosed with Lung Cancer, which went away for him to end up having 2 other forms, the last type is on the adrenal gland and have been told it’s not curable, I lost my Grandma on New Year’s Day and have now been told my Auntie has Breast Cancer which has spread and they can’t cure. I still haven’t really come to terms with things, other than getting so angry and hating the world. Is this normal? I’m trying to work as many hours as I can, however am awaiting surgery for my knee, I don’t have many friends to talk too and I hope this is ok to share. I’m sorry for waffling on, hope everyone else are doing ok.
Xx

Hi warrior7,
You’ve had so much to deal with, I feel for you .
It is normal to feel angry and hate the world especially when pain and sadness seems to be happening around you.
I lost my husband suddenly just over 3 months ago and I feel exactly the same.
This forum is the right place to come to post exactly how you’re feeling, everyone on here feels the same and will help you to feel like you’re not on your own.
Keep posting, stay strong.
Steph x

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Warrior7, What a lot you’ve had to process and deal with. It is quite normal to feel angry and some point when grieving. It is one of the stages of grief.
Take care. Look after yourself.

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I’m also new to this sort of forum, but need to ask if anyone else gets irritable for “no” reason.

Hello, oh yes all you have all said is this horrible thing called grieving and with the present global virus it certainly doesn’t help. Saran, to be irritable is very normal and to feel hurt, depressed and have no energy is also normal. This new life that they talk about with the virus is only half our story because out life is totally changed because I loved one is no longer here. The times are difficult and the loss of love makes it almost unbearable. Unfortunately life does go on even if we have to stay home and to coin the phrase
‘home alone’.
Not good but tomorrow is another day.
Please take care. S

Thank you for all the support and love everyone, I’m sorry I’ve not responded sooner, I’ve been very worried about my Step Dad during this pandemic, he seems to be doing well. I send my love out to everyone who needs it. My anger has calmed down a lot, but then I haven’t really been driving much. I finished work on Saturday due to lockdown and we needed to close, so have been staying in, only going to the shops for necessities. Hope everyone are staying safe and keeping well during these tough times and Sarna, yes I get irritable so easy and so quickly, I just try to control my breathing and distract myself, so I understand what you’re going through. Xx

Hi guys,
I’m new here, I lost my dad on 21st Feb and we had his funeral on 23rd March. We couldn’t have the funeral we wanted due to the pandemic, nothing was straightforward, and I am now having to isolate from my bereaved mother. I’m due back in at work, but really dont want to go (I am high risk as a cross channel train driver). I have been everyone’s rock, sorting everything out, and probably haven’t taken any time for myself…I’m scared that if I go back to work, the stress is going to tip me over the edge, I’m not sure I have grieved yet. Someone please offer some advice. My dad and I were super close, and his death was not expected

Hi R4chr,

I’m sorry to hear about your dads recent death. It’s all such early days and you will still be in shock. You need to take each day as it comes. My mum died unexpectedly last June. Here in the morning, gone in the afternoon. A sudden brain haemorrhage.
The shock was, and still is, terrible. I was in such a mess I was signed off work for 12 weeks and then started reduced hours after 4 months. It took 6 months to get back to full time work.
I still have tears regularly and this virus situation is making things much worse.
Being at home, not able to travel to work and much more time to sit and think is really hard.
Things will slowly get better but remember you are only a month down the line.
Cheryl

I think maybe I’m trying to rush myself.
I need to step back a little.
Thank you Cheryl x

Hi, yes I do agree that you need time, it’s not only the emotional stress of losing someone we love, it’s that ‘being a rock’ thing we do but our brain needs time to process everything and then for all the pieces to fall very slowly into place, it is not ‘ok it’s 2 weeks’ so this is how it is, it takes time! For some people their loss last a long time for others, they seem to get on with things and that’s ok. We are all individuals and process things in our own individual way. Don’t think and more importantly, don’t let anyone try telling you ‘you should be over it’, first I have know idea way they say it or even write about it like that, and second there is no time line for grieving, you have to go with your gut instinct. Lastly thing, with the world has it is, we need more strength just to get through each day, so please think about yourself, just for once, think me and forget the rest. Please, what ever you do, take care, today more than ever.
Blessings S

Thank you so much for that x

Dear Warrior7
Sorry to hear you’re getting so much pain and it must seem never ending. I lost my son in October 2019…then his cousin, my nephew committed suicide in early January 2020. Now, last week his mother who was battling cancer died of Covid19. On top of that my Dad’s gone into care and we can’t visit him. We’re all totally shell shocked.

So my advice is take any support offered and don’t be afraid or embarrassed to ask for help. Don’t be hard on yourself either…rest if you can…especially if sleep is elusive. Looking after yourself physically is really important. Keep posting on here, there are lots of lovely people around.

This virus is making everything worse isn’t it so keep in touch on line. We’re here.

Hugs to you
Purple

Hi Sarna. Welcome! Although this is a place none of us want to be. But thank God for it.
Of course it’s OK to be irritable. You can run the whole gamut of emotions in grief and none are strange or should not be happening. Irritability is a form of anger. We lash out often to those who are close to us. We are angry with the world for letting this happen ‘Why me’? is so often asked and there is no answer.
Please come back and talk to us. This is an amazing forum, and everyone knows and understands. Take care. John.

Well I do!
I’ve also been told that I have become more militant (or grumpy) in the last year.
I think I have because I am now more conscious of time, how little we have here, and am irritated by those who would waste mine.

Hello Sarna, I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you’re coping as best you can. In answer to your question, I think I have become more intolerant than irritable. I think I always was fairly intolerant but I have definitely become more so.

Thank you so much, I have this not wanting to worry people and you guys have so much more to deal with. My mother (with alzheimer’s) lives with me, her carer as well thank goodness, but I miss my hubby so so much , life seems to be robotic xxxxx

Dear R4chr
Treat yourself with kindness. Our grief journeys are all as individual as we are, yet we understand the pain, the disbelief and the Roller coaster journey.
Please take time to heal. Your employer should support you, it’s in everyone’s interest that you are fit for work.

We’re all here for you.
Purple

Thank you Purple x