New member

It’s really hard to know what to say because there are so many emotions that grief brings, there are people you can talk to in this group because we are all going through similar grieving processes, just remember you are never alone and you will always have friends in this group, i lost my wife to cancer on the 7th July, i miss her every day, sometimes the pain i feel in my heart is unbearable, i look at photo’s, listen to music and even talk to her, it helps me, i know it’s going to be a long road ahead without her being with me but my hope is that i will get to the stage were i can manage my grief in a way that will help me move forward.

4 Likes

Thank you hunny as we are in a old fashioned bungalow so the locks on the doors are like industrial and the ambulance crew had to use a crowbar and a hammer to open up one panel so that they could undo the lock through the gap and I’ve had a guy from my council come and measured my door and since the 11th of July when my husband passed away I’ve had to use a towel and duck tape to tape privacy because I have a 32-year-old son also we have a wet room and as my husband fell in the cubicle that you make with two big doors he pulled all the wet room floor up so on the 4th of October I’m having a new floor put in in one way I’ll be glad but then in another way I’m dreading it because that towel and duct tape is been on my bathroom door since my husband died so all I see is that door and because it’s a small bungalow they had to pull him in the shower curtain that he was trapped in towards my front door which was open because that’s the only area they could work on him they could not shock him because he was wet he’s had heart problems since birth he had two vascular surgeons for the last 10 years fighting to see which one will do that bad heart and which one will do the abdominal aneurysm they told us when it got to 5.5 cm they would operate on the aneurysm through the groin my husband saw and had it tested and months before he died and it was 6.1 people are saying it’s because of Covid but my husband could’ve had all this fixed 10 years ago Covid hasn’t been going that long so I’m angry and I think I’m in the angry stage of grieving because a week on Sunday he’s been gone three months and nobody has come near me nobody so I feel very low lost angry upset and I shouldn’t be feeling this I’ve had to deal with it all to his funeral pay for his funeral abuse from his four children constantly sending me voice messages saying that they’re glad that dad is dead because now is that peace away from me and my son and I’ve been with my husband 24 years I was the stepmum when I was only 28 years old and I’m 52 now and I have took the men when they’ve had fights with their partners I have played with all the children I have done everything arrange their birthdays to Christmas and I’m being victimised and I hate where I live now because they all know where I live even my husbands ex wife and so knowing that they all know where I liveI don’t feel safe in my own home and I’m so lonely but I just want to thank each and everyone of you for being there for me and I’m a complete stranger and I’m so thankful but I’m so sorry that it’s taken all of us to lose a special person in our lives for us to now all come together and support each other so thank you so much you are all the most amazing earth angels I’ve ever met

5 Likes

I’m so sorry for your loss I really am and to each and everyone of you and sending you strength of love hugs and support and thank you all for your support for me thank you mean so much to

3 Likes

Thank you Mazzy, with love and support things will get better, the pain and the sense of loss will always be there but with the help of others it will make it a little easier to bare, telling people how you really feel helps too because sometimes we just need a safe place were we can express how we really feel x

4 Likes

I just wanted to say that being on this site and talking with everyone and reading their stories has really helped me enormously you think you’re the only one with these experiences and to find out that there are so many of us experiencing the same things well for me I don’t feel so alone thank you all for listening

6 Likes

I feel the same Liz, I find reading other people’s comments comforting because I don’t feel so alone in my own grief knowing that others are having similar experiences x

4 Likes

Hi I lost my husband last may of a heart attack very sudden and a shock indoors I do miss him but I am managing a lot better now I have joined this to speak to people and make new friends who have had a loss .I have just had a few days away on my own which I have found really hard but I have to move forward. I still work so that keeps me occupied. I do feel for anyone in this position you never get over it and I won’t never forget the day he died .

5 Likes

Hi LMUCHMORE, my wife passed away 3 months ago, she had been diagnosed with terminal cancer last year, this last year was really tough especially the last 6 months when she was in a lot of pain, it was horrendous, I can’t even think of going anywhere yet, because I’m just not in the right frame of mind for it, I knew it would be a tough time when she passed away, but nothing I could imagine could have prepared me for this heartache, I know it will probably get easier but at the moment it just doesn’t seem like it will.

4 Likes

Day by day is how I cope. Listening to our music. Steve died suddenly 8 weeks ago. Sorry for your loss, keep talking on here we are all grieving together. Take care of yourself. Pam

3 Likes

My husband passed away 2 yrs ago this month I was his sole carer so I could do most everything anyway What I miss is asking his opinion on things even though he left it up to me. Just to know he was in the house was enough even though he suffered from dementia he would take my hand and say Were alright love aren’t we ? That’s what I miss and I hate going to bed as well I stay up as late as possible getting towards Xmas will surely affect all of us x Thanks for listening x

4 Likes

Liz, I agree, Christmas will be a tough time, my wife Eileen loved Christmas time, decorating the tree and the house, having the family around for dinner and drinks, somehow it just won’t be the same without her being here x

2 Likes

I’m so sorry to hear about your wife Tony only 3 months ago heartbreaking . I was talking to a friend of mine at that time she used to be a nurse so I didn’t feel awkward telling her and I told her the thing that freaked me out the most was that I would never ever see my husband again and when I thought about that every time it affected the way I breathed panicking I think I still can’t think about it now 2 yrs on without crying I still can’t quite believe I’m never going to see him again sorry this sounds awfully selfish knowing what you are going through. Sorry

5 Likes

Liz, it doesn’t sound selfish at all, grief is a terribly traumatic experience especially when it’s your life partner, so I totally understand the way you are thinking, the more time that goes by without her the more I realize that this feeling of heartache will never go away, I miss Eileen more and more every day and that its just something I will have to learn to live with, I will never get over losing her, crying I find is a release, it helps you cope, sending you best wishes x

4 Likes

In 10 days my husband will be gone one year. I just played all the phone videos I have of him talking, laughing and just being him. It’s like he’s still here with me. How can he be gone??? Oh God help me. I can’t take the pain.

4 Likes

Barb, I know, it’s so painful, 3 months have gone so quickly for me and yet I feel the grief has got worse by the day, I miss my Eileen so much that some days I just want to die, it’s an awful feeling, I try to stay strong for my family, but it’s so hard, I’m not looking forward to Christmas although I know I should be because she loved that time of year, I have no motivation to celebrate it without her x

2 Likes

Thanks for listening. I hate that we’re all hurting so much. I keep asking myself if loving another human being so much for so long was worth what we’re going through now. The answer is always yes.

2 Likes

Hi Mazzy

My husband of 24years passed July 27th this year I too am struggling to try and make sense of having to live my life without my life partner my soul mate.

I am currently on what I call rollacoster moments sometimes I am up and feeling good then I am down feeling like rubbish and
crying to the point of hyperventilating and have to take deep breaths in and out to calm myself down.

I recently joined this group after listening to Lisa Riley’s podcast this week. I have really found comfort in the support of the member on this forum knowing that there are others in this forum who really understand and allow you to be real and not judge you or tell you nonsense like “it will get better in time or pick yourself up and get on with your life or remember the good times or that’s life or this is no excuse for your behavior” that someone said to me recently this so very insensitive and cruel I only wish people would think before they speak or just shout up.

People who have not been through or still experiencing what we are going through that it will never get better maybe manageable over the years who knows but the greif will always be there.

I call them outsiders because they can’t seem to understand when you pick up the phone to call your loved one when it hits you they are no longer here. I miss the Good Morning and Goodnight text messages from my husband I still check my phone expecting a message from him.

Just know you are not alone because you have a forum of people here to support you and here to support each other.

3 Likes

I found Christmas very hard last year although I was with my daughter and family I didn’t really want to partake in anything and new year I didn’t celebrate at all I have found my local hospice very good going on walk and talk and have had councelling .

2 Likes

Hi

I am dreading Christmas. Last Christmas I was only a few weeks in after losing my hubby suddenly with no warning, so didn’t do anything. Then we went back into lockdown, so spent the next few months on my own. It was awful. I can’t believe that it’s not long until the anniversary. I thought I was making some progress. but recently I feel I have gone backwards. I have accepted this is real. For months I was telling myself that I only have to do these things for a bit, then it will all go back to normal. Now I have accepted it, I am seeing this long road in front of me, and I don’t know how to drive on it. I don’t have any friends who are widows, so nobody to talk to. Everyone has moved on their lives, and why shouldn’t they, but it’s hard to witness. I used to love Christmas, the planning, buying presents, the day etc, it feels empty now. I have started looking at buying presents for the kids It’s a horrible journey we are on and this time of year is the worse. I am so grateful for this site, look after yourselves x

6 Likes

I have to be honest I’m not looking forward to Christmas, even though my Eileen loved it, but, I will make the effort to put the tree up and decorate the house because I know she would appreciate it, I have no plans to have the family around for dinner, I just want to spend this first Christmas on my own to reflect on what has been the most traumatic year of my life, I just need time alone to try and make sense of all the crazy stuff that is going on in my head,

3 Likes