Buckle up, this is a doozy and may be long… So, let me start by saying my mom was the most kind-hearted, loving, caring, and silly person I knew. She loved to dance, loved dogs, loved her “friend” my husband, her children, and loved life. She hated going to the doctor and hated even more going to the gynecologist. I guess she thought it was unnecessary because of her age, not having any sexual activity, and her tubes tied. Problem is, she was having some issues that she let go on too long and long story short, she was diagnosed with Cervical Cancer. Normally, if they catch it early enough they can just remove your cervix and be done with it. Hers was already progressing past that point.
She was diagnosed in May of 2024. She was only 67 when diagnosed. Her mom died at 63 from Breast Cancer. She did chemo and radiation. Her last couple weeks she was in the hospital and it was almost like the doctors kept trying to get my sister and I to give up on her. Her cancer had gotten aggressive. One day I remember my mom looking at me in the strangest way. Almost like she was saying “help me”. My mom had made me POA, but I never made a decision without my sister and I agreeing. We were all VERY close. We did EVERYTHING together. My mom was my mom, my friend, my baby, everything. Anyway, unfortunately my mom passed at 68 on March 9, 2025, only about 9 months after her diagnosis.
Here’s where it gets a little crazy… So a couple weeks before her death, I noticed that I was having some health issues. I just thought it was from all the stress dealing with my mom. Well, about a month later, they found some spots on my ovaries. Come to find out I have a rare type of Ovarian Cancer that has spread to my belly as well. So at only 39, as I’m trying to deal with grieving my mom, I’m also dealing with the shock that I have cancer as well. I’ve had 2 surgeries (I no longer have my ovaries, tubes, cervix, uterus, part of my omentum, or my appendix), had long and rough recoveries, went through weeks and weeks of chemo, lost about 90% of my hair, and am now on a hormone pill to block estrogen that I’ll be taking for years.
I cry all the time thinking of my mom and how I just want to hold her and tell her I love her and miss her. When I pray at night I tell the lord to tell my mom I said I love her and miss her. Certain songs make me cry (even just burst into tears at McDonald’s while eating lol). Christmas is going to be horrible for us. It was her favorite time of the year. I was on a Christmas isle in Walmart a couple of weeks ago and just burst into tears. She used to work there too. My husband and one of the ladies that worked with her brought me tissues as he calmed me down.
Sometimes I think about what all my grandmother went through, then my mom, and now me and I think “Is this my fate as well?” Then I just start crying again. I’m going through so much that idk what to do anymore. I have some good days, but I feel lost a lot. And on top of all of this, I’m also stressed over my finances because my husband had to quit his job to take care of me for months. Our bills and debt are so past due it ain’t even funny.
Sometimes I feel like I need a therapist or something but then I don’t want that in my medical history with everything going on in the U.S. right now. The only things that keep me going is my husband, sister, fur babies, God, and my mother’s voice saying “now don’t y’all keep being depressed and sad over me. I wouldn’t want that for y’all. Be glad I’m not suffering anymore and that I’m in heaven.” So for now, I’m just making it the best I can. Sorry this was so long.
