New to grief

I lost my partner suddenly last weekend. I am terrified of the future, terrified of losing everything as well as him. We had been together nearly 9 years but we’re not married. It almost feels like people think we didn’t count. But our life was one.

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Hey @Kellymet it is difficult, i know, it has been difficult for me for nearly 3 years now. But we can survive and get through these difficult times. Keep your chin up, love to you and yours x

@Johnch thank you. I’m so scared of everything ahead

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@Kellymet it is scary but we are all here for you if you need us, take care and be brave x

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@Kellymet I am so sorry for your loss. You are about to experience something completely overwhelming. You will feel emotion at an intensity you could never imagine. But you have come to a place where everyone will empathise and understand you as you start this journey. Post as you need to. This has been a lifeline for many. Love and support :broken_heart:

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@Mike75 thank you. I feel I need to brace myself.
There is so much to sort it’s drowning me.
I’m not sure if he ever changed a will or added me to anything but potentially not. I have to face a future not only without him but starting from absolute scratch. Lots of solitary hours plays tricks on you and makes the mind spiral out of control.

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@Kellymet You have an added burden. Sorting out affairs is never straightforward but in your case it may become very complicated and there is potential for conflict with relatives. All of this at a time when you will be feeling extremely upset and vulnerable. You would be entitled to anything in joint names and you may find you have been named as a survivor beneficiary in a pension. Private pension funds have discretion about who they pass money to if there is no will so you might get something there if there is a policy. A lot will depend on who is the executor or administrator of the estate and what is in it. You may well need to seek advice. Your relationship really counted and should be fully acknowledged. I hope it is. XX

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It’s not even the materials things it’s our life out home it was one. As far as updating wills and everything of that nature, you have all the time in the world right. He was the main person, looked after all the big stuff, me and my daughter… Everything is very much unknown at the moment. I’m in a separate town 50 miles away from his family. I just feel very out of it. Like they are all trying to sort it out. I just feel so out of control

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@Kellymet I am so sorry. This happened to one of my cousins. The doubling up of grief and exclusion was awful. You will need support. Is there anyone in your partner’s family you are close to? I really feel for you. You were the most important person in your partner’s life and that should be recognised.

They are all close. Mine and my partners life was quite separate to theirs. We often did family trips away. His son is trying to show support I think.
This afternoon we are meeting up at his parents house to see the celebrant ahead of the funeral next week. I find it immensely difficult and feel very selfish for feeling like nobody understands. They have to grieve their son, brother, father. He was my world.
Thank you for taking the time to reply to my outpours. Genuinely grateful

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@Kellymet This sounds positive for you. You are aware of their grieving, though you will probably be feeling it hardest. Any effort to reach out and share your load may be better received than you think. I hope so.

@Kellymet Im in a similar situation to yourself. My partner died 10 weeks ago (suddenly) hadn’t written her will yet & we weren’t married although together 23 years. I am waiting on a decision about her work’s pension; she had no other family so hopefully they will give it to me but they are taking their time in making a decision. The road ahead is going to be a very hard & painful one but hopefully in time like many on here have said it does soften with time. I’ve been finding it very difficult for the past few days, almost impossible but we all have to take a day at a time. We are all here for each other so whenever you need someone just come on here.
Peace & Love to you xx :heart::heart:

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Hi Kelly met , in similar boat , partner of over 16 years in hospice I’m with him 24/7. Drs give zero hope I’m heartbroken his family and ex wife live in Ireland . I’m scared , heartbroken had massive massive meltdown today after ward round , all staff were fantastic but it dosent change a thing , he’s 58 and so drowsy I feel I’ve lost him already . It’s a very difficult thing grief I’ve never experienced anything this sad in my personal life before , I’ve no advice execpt to say how you feel sounds like I do , you can’t love someone with all your heart and soul and not feel intense pain when they arnt with you anymore ( I’m already feeling this ) . My friend lost her husband sept 2022 and she says she now feels like he’s always with her , let’s hope we all get to feel like that , he’s in your heart xxx

It all just add to the heartbreak doesn’t it xx

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Kelly met. Oh my, never ever think you two did not count. Of course you count. You are going through a devastating agonizing time. We all on this blog understand. Right now one foot in front of the other, don’t ask any more of yourself. We are here for you. And never let anyone undermine your love.
Love and peace, Karen

Hello Kelly met
I lost my partner of 23 years in December 2022 and we weren’t married and I thought I was going to struggle to sort everything out but I did get a lot of support from her two sons even though one lives in Australia.
I do hope that your partners family do rally round you.
It will tough and you will have bad days(I know mine just creep up on me) but you will get through them with support from family and friends.
Sending love to you.Keep strong

@Whiteknight1 hello. Thank you for taking the time to reply.
He has a good family that will all help. The thought that I may have to leave our family home one day is just, well I can’t bear to think about it.
Lots of solitary time really doesn’t help but at the same time I don’t want to see people.
I went to see him in the funeral home yesterday.
The funeral is on Thursday.
I am glad I went so he wasn’t alone for a while. The morning I lost him was quite traumatic and I had to do CPR till the ambulance got here. He was only 47.
X

Yes I have had to think about our home too.
I saw my jean in the chapel of rest too I took my daughter with me as I don’t think I would have reacted very well otherwise. I have had the funeral 23rd December.
I am so sorry he died that young but it’s sad whatever age . My jean had just turned 74 in October and I had just booked us on a cruise to Norway in June.
My worst time if there is a worst time is when I come home from work and she is not there.
I do hope Thursday will not be too traumatic for you .my thoughts will be with you .Be strong.

@Kellymet I’m glad his family are supportive as you were worried about that and hope you were able to get your thoughts in the eulogy with the celebrant. My thoughts will be with you Thursday. They say the funeral gives closure but it only opens the gate to the next stage. Big hugs.

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